Flurry of Jingles

My beloved Coco used to run down stairs when the sound or smell of food emerged from the kitchen, and with her collar, she would jingle her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. It was a flurry of jingles as she would bound her way down with all enthusiasm. This is a little poem of this memory.

Flurry of jingles, it was time to go,

Running down stairs, how I miss you so.

Flurry of jingles, as I start to eat,

Miss sweet little face, pressed up on my knee.

Flurry of jingles, the years went by fast,

I'd hoped you stay longer, I'd hope you would last.

Flurry of jingles, I thank God for you,

The years were so many, yet now they seem few.

Flurry of jingles, so much did you give,

God taught me so much, of Him as you lived.

Flurry of jingles, it is a goodbye,

I'll miss you, my pup, and now I'll go cry.

Flurry of jingles, no more suffering,

Run free and run fast, what you're made to be.

A Grateful Goodbye

Less than an hour ago I had my beloved dog, Coco, of almost 12 years, put to sleep. It was a normal morning until about 6:30 today when she came up to me breathing differently and acting very lethargic. I took her to the vet and then the vet ER, which diagnosed a bleed around her heart, probably due to tumor. The odds of repair were low and with her age, it was time to say goodbye. I got to hold her as she took her final breath.

About a year ago, she had some issues with her back legs which ended up being age-related, but it was a good scare and one that made me realize that time was short and I needed to maximize whatever time I had left with her. One of my (mostly) daily disciplines is a gratitude list and frequently one of the items has been her. How grateful I have been to have a dog and to enjoy and learn about God through the experience. One of my prayers has been to know when it was time and to let go with gratitude. And I did. I had the time before the injection to pray and thank God for the time with her, for how much He has taught me about Himself through her, and to gratefully thank Him for all of His goodness to me through the life of my beloved Coco. What a great gift of God! How marvelous and gracious of Him to give me such a long time with her! And I've had even more time with her in the last two months since work has been entirely work from home and school is online only, due to the virus.

Saying goodbye is tough. I've already cried my eyes out this morning and will do for a while. But it is a grateful goodbye. While I hurt, my heart expresses thankfulness for the ability to experience the joy of having a great dog. God made the dog family to relate to humans in a special way. How good of a Creator He is to make such things. It hurts to let go, but He is the source and author of all creation--she was made by Him and was but a passing shadow of His beauty and loveliness. How creative He is! How delightful He is! How loud He is! How fun He is!

I am truly grateful.

The Bad and Good Friday

Yesterday was Good Friday. It is an ironic name for a day, given the event on this day that transpired almost two-thousand years ago for which we name it--the crucifixion and death of the Son of God for the sins of the world. It started the night before, with an arrest and unjust hearing for the purpose of condemning an innocent man. It continued on Friday with the formal trial before Pilate, a Roman flogging, and finally, the brutal crucifixion of Jesus Christ outside of Jerusalem. It ended with his death and burial in an unused tomb provided by Joseph of Arimathea.

The bad. The condemnation, punishment, and death of an innocent man. The violent hatred of men against him. The bloody torture and agony as the hours passed. The emotional pain and anguish of those who loved him and watched as he suffered. The separation from God as he bore the sins of the world. Death. Darkness. Earthquake. What is good about any of this?

What we see in Jesus Christ is the ultimate example in which God is able to take what is awful and bring good from it. We call it good Friday because the perfect Son of God, in taking the punishment that each of our sins demanded, has now made a way that we might share his righteousness. Because of his faithfulness, my faithlessness is covered. Because of his obedience, my rebellion is forgiven. Because of his death, I am given life.

You can think of the cross of Christ as the "black hole" for sin's penalty. As Jesus breathed his last, he had finally and fully drank every last molecule of the penalty for all sin, for all time, once for all. Everything had been pulled into him and been borne by him. There is no more condemnation because he has taken all of the condemnation on himself. We are freed from the certainty of facing our own eternal crucifixions because of his one crucifixion.

Good Friday is good because of what awaits us tomorrow. He does not remain in the grave. How could he? Those who condemned him--the religious leaders, soldiers, Pilate, and the people--their word was "crucify him." His word was, "It is finished." Tomorrow, we get to rejoice in overwhelming celebration at the final word: the word of the Father. The resurrection is the vindication of the Son by the Father. The Father stands up from His throne, declares for all of heaven and earth to see and hear, "You are my Son, today I have begotten you!"

Honor those in authority

I live in Dallas County, Texas, where there is both county-wide 'stay-home' and state-wide essential-business-only orders. These are based on recommendations from the Federal government and the health professionals that these leaders are consulting. The orders are specific. I don't like them. I disagree with the reasoning behind them. I think they are far too strong a reaction, and more importantly, far too damaging economically. I think they are made in error and based on faulty, or more likely, fearful reasoning.

Yet, I do not find any of the above to be a sufficient Biblical reason to disobey. Indeed, Jesus preached under Tiberius, one of the most corrupt of the Caesars, Paul and Peter wrote under Nero, who later would put both of them to death. Paul tells me I am to submit to the governing authorities (Romans 13), Peter tells me I am to honor the king (1 Peter 2), and Jesus tells me I am to render to Caesar what belongs to Caesar (Luke 20). Honor and obedience is not given because they are earned or deserved, but to be given because they are owed and due. Despite the (lack of) reasonableness of the authority or whether I agree/disagree with the rule. I am not free to bend it or twist it to my own liking. I do what I can to honor the king, as long as doing so does not dishonor the Great King. And if I must disobey the king because of a conflict in commands, then I must accept the discipline of the king with humility.

I do not find any Biblical conflict with the current orders of Dallas County or Texas. Churches are broadcasting services online--this is a far cry from ideal, but these orders are not permanent (to date fewer than three weeks have passed and the current expiration is April 30, which is less than seven weeks in total). I can still meet friends at a park or open area, as long as appropriate social distancing is maintained. Going to the store, doing essential errands, taking walks--all of these are allowed. I have food, shelter, clothing--in truth, more than I need. The electronic capabilities of today allow me to connect with people in far greater numbers and distances than ever before. Sure, electronic means are unsatisfying (after all, we are made to be physical beings), but this is temporary. It will pass.

I don't like these orders. Just like there are certain commands of God that I don't like and would prefer to disobey (and to my condemnation, have many times). But authority is grounded in Him and it is my responsibly to honor the authorities in my life, be they parents, police, physicians, employers, or politicians. I'll seek to promote better choices and reasoning, but when the decision is made, I must submit to it.

This will soon pass. But as the orders stand today, I must obey them.

Update: You can contact your representative/senator/governor/president and let them know you disagree. Do so respectfully, but it is worth doing so. Your voice should be heard!

Remember the Faithfulness of God

I woke at 4 am this morning with the word remember on my mind and reflected on it for a while before falling back asleep. It is frequently emphasized in Scripture, both explicitly and implicitly--indeed, much of Scripture is written to remind the readers of what God has done in the past. My memory of God's faithfulness to me in my past, your memory of His faithfulness to you in your past, and our reflection on His faithfulness to many, is essential in our present time.

I recently discussed four lessons from Habakkuk, the first suggesting that in times of trouble, I must remember the faithfulness and power of God that He has demonstrated in the past. I must remember because I am so prone to forget. The wind and the waves quickly distract me and pull my eyes off Jesus (remember Peter, Matt. 14:30?).

This year my small group is doing an in-depth study of the book of Hebrews. Hebrews is a book that ultimately points its readers to a greater life of faith as they too wait in dread for certain suffering (which has been experienced by them before; 10:32-39; 12:4-13). The great "hall of faith" chapter 11, which runs through 12:2, is one great remembrance passage. Remember what God has done in the lives of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses... Look at, and emulate, their faith. Remember their walk--sometimes with what we might define as success, but sometimes with death, yet always focused on what was promised, because God is faithful. It is impossible for Him to lie (6:18)! And Hebrews reminds the readers of the preeminent unfaithful example of all, the wilderness generation of Exodus and Numbers (Heb. 3:7-4:13; 6:4-6; 12:18-21). This was the generation that saw first-hand the ten plagues on Egypt (Ex. 7-11), crossed the Red Sea and saw the Egyptian army drowned (Ex. 14), was daily fed by manna in the morning and quail in the evening (Ex. 16), provided fresh water from rocks (Ex. 17), saw the presence of God on Mount Sinai (Ex. 19), and the repeated evidence of both His presence and judgment through miraculous signs and wonders (Deut. 4:32-40; and Hebrews will use a similar point in 2:1-4 for his readers). Yet, when it came time for that generation to enter the promised land, they rebelled and trembled in fear because the cities and people were large (Num. 13:25-29; 14:1-4). It was barely 18 months ago that you walked on dry land in the middle of the sea with a wall of water on your left and right, being chased by an entire Egyptian army, who then promptly drowned when God closed the water over them after you finished crossing--and yet you are afraid of some cities and big people?! You complain as your mouth is full of manna provided this morning from heaven, washed down by fresh water that came out of a rock!

I ought not to be too hard on them, for I am more similar to them than I care to admit. This is why remembering is so important. This is why God instituted for them regular, embodied practices and celebrations, practiced in the community, to help them remember. This is why regular, embodied practices with the people of God are so critical to life in Christ. When I take communion, eating the bread that symbolizes the body of Christ, I remember that He came in the flesh, dwelt among us, took on all that it meant to be human, yet without sin (John 1:14). When I drink the grape juice (or wine, depending on your tradition), I remember that His physical blood was shed for my sin, He became sin on my behalf so that I might receive His righteousness (2 Cor. 5:12). Indeed, even the very words instituting this practice suggest its purpose: "do this in remembrance of me." (Luke 22:19) The daily (!) gathering is used by Hebrews in the middle of his discussion on the wilderness generation, for the express purpose of encouraging one another so they would not be like that faithless generation (4:12-13). And how does he encourage his readers? By demonstrating that Christ is superior and sufficient (Son, High Priest, Sacrifice, Example, Author, Completer), and by reminding them of His faithfulness to them and others in the past.

I will again quote my favorite professor: "What God has done in the past is a model and a promise of what he will do in the future, but He's too creative to do the same thing the same way twice."

My challenge for you today is to take a few moments and remember--what has He done for you in the past, where have you seen His faithfulness in your life, perhaps in the lives of those near you, and write it down? Thank Him (Ps. 89). Rejoice in His faithfulness to you (Lam. 3:23). Share that with someone. Be an encouragement to another (Heb. 4:12-13; 10:19-25). Our God hasn't changed. He is the same (Heb. 1:12; 13:8)! He will be faithful in our present time, in the suffering, as the lesson in Habakkuk reminds us, for He is bringing us into greater depths of sonship--likeness to Christ--through these circumstances.

Exhortation to trust (Psalm 115)

Psalm 115 is one that praises God for the reality of His power and goodness, in contrast to the deafness of idols. It exhorts its readers to trust in God three times and reminds them that God has not forgotten, but will bless those who trust in Him.

The Psalm opens by asking God to glorify His name (115:1), not because of the ones praising Him, but on the basis of His character. God always acts with the purpose of magnifying and glorifying Himself. Salvation's ultimate purpose isn't us, it is for His glory.

The Psalmist continues by responding to a question the other nations are asking (v. 2-3): Where is God? Answer: He's in the heavens, doing whatever He pleases. In other words, He's working, but you may not (and indeed many times won't) see it. He's doing "God things".

To illustrate the point further, he contrasts God with idols (v. 4-8). This is a lovely listing of the senses and actions of God versus the idols. The idols themselves are the work of human hands (v. 4). God is doing "God things" while the idols are made by humans doing "human things". Some god these idols are! These idols are speechless, sightless, deaf, can't smell, can't feel, and can't walk (v. 5-7). Indeed, the Psalmist warns that those who make or trust in the idols will become like them! I become like the thing(s) I place my trust in.

Now for the threefold exhortation to trust in the Lord. It follows the form: "Oh ___, trust in the Lord! He is their help and their shield." (v. 9-11) I must trust in the Lord--He's actually capable of being a help and a shield, in contrast to a deaf-mute-blind-immovable-senseless thing.

In light of this, there is a threefold promise of blessing (v. 12-15) although blessing has a different meaning than prosperity and lack of trouble.

In light of all this, our response is to bless the Lord (v. 16-18). This is interesting. The Lord blesses Israel/Aaron/those who fear Him, and we will bless the Lord. The human things that I can do is to trust, bless, and praise the Lord. God will do His "God things". He can be trusted. He is our help and our shield.

So trust Him. Bless Him. And praise Him today. For He is your help and your shield.

Hope in time of panic

Biblical hope is certain, not wishful. We tend to use hope as a synonym for wish. I hope it rains tomorrow = I wish/would like it to rain tomorrow. That is not how the Bible uses the word. Biblical hope is certain, because it rests on the Person of God, who cannot lie, and the plan of God, which never fails. How do I know? I reflect on the past, on what God has done (remember Habakkuk?), to use as a basis for trust in what He will do. Or as my favorite professor says, "What God has done in the past is a model and a promise of what he will do in the future, but he's too creative to do the same thing the same way twice." Then I act in faith on that basis, choosing to love, choosing to trust, choosing to act in trust and love instead of fear. And I have certain hope. Because love never fails. Because God is trustworthy. Because His promises are certain. Because He is my salvation (this is the meaning of my name, Joshua).

My brother was at Target yesterday and spoke with a lady with five children whose husband was just laid off. Unfortunately, and I think this is probably true of many of us, my brother expressed sorrow for her loss, but didn't think anything further. The food at Target was out. It didn't occur to him to get her information so he or others could help. In times of distress, it is easy and natural for our focus to become very self-centered--do I have enough ___? We are so busy buying what we think we need that we miss the needs of others. We are only going out to buy our own essential items and forget that maybe we ought to be looking out for others.

How about offering hope to someone in need today? Or even someone who is not in need? Even an encouraging word. But be more concrete. If you know someone is in need and you are able to meet it, give it, buy it, share it, do it. Fellow Christians, be the hands and feet of Jesus--not virtually, but physically! Bear one another's burdens (Gal. 6:2). Have an open hand, not a closed fist.

Pastors, do what you can to meet with every one of your congregation, as frequently as you can. If you can't do so physically, call them!

Those employed, find someone who just lost their job and meet what needs you can of theirs. Share it with those around you so together you all can do so.

Those thinking about ordering food, pay extra for the food you receive, support your local diners and restaurants, give a larger tip, be sure to thank them!

If you are hoarding, stop! Share. Don't bulk up in your purchases. There is plenty.

For all of us, be thankful, be encouraging, be calm (and wash your hands). Pray, remembering that many (most?) times God uses people to answer the prayers for others. Maybe you are to be someone's answered prayer today.

Give hope.

Love in time of panic

One of my close friends has a sister who was married this weekend. While their original plans with catering and the celebration were changed due to cancellations, I have to applaud them for following through and not delaying. In a time of panic, they chose to love and commit. In a time of panic, they chose life.

In our present time with the panic over the virus, chose love over fear. Share instead of hoard. Be open-handed with those around you. If you see a need and are able to meet it, do so--even if it costs you. Have additional patience (oh how difficult!) when shopping. Fear brings out worst in people, love can bring out the very best. Choose to love.

Faith in time of panic

The book of Habakkuk has been sitting on my heart since last night; it was brought to mind in my dreams and thoughts as a book very applicable to our current moment. I will briefly overview the book and then turn to some observations of his prayer in chapter 3.

Habakkuk was an Old Testament prophet who cried to God for help in the midst of a wicked nation (1:1-4) and was given a word from God that there was a coming judgment on Judah by the Chaldeans (Babylonians; 1:5-12). Habakkuk is horrified (1:13-2:1). How could a good God use such horrible people to judge His own people?! He can't believe it. And God responds to him, in 2:2-20 in a two-fold reply. First, He will judge His people (2:2-5) and second, He will judge the Chaldeans (2:6-20). In the first part of this response, He speaks what is quoted both in Romans and Hebrews--"the righteous will live by his faith." (2:4b) Habakkuk then responds in chapter 3 in a prayer to God, acknowledging His power and salvation (it is used 3x in this chapter) and a prayer of trust in the midst of the certain coming destruction.

Now for some observations. I think his prayer is a pattern for us to follow. Habakkuk begins by reflecting on the glory and power of God (3:1-4), remembers the Exodus (3:5-8, 15), creation (3:9-10), the sun standing still for Joshua (3:11), and possibly the conquering of the nations in Canaan through Joshua, the various judges, and David (3:12-14).

In times of trouble, I must remember the faithfulness and power of God that He has demonstrated in the past.

Habakkuk then acknowledges that he is afraid, that he dreads what is coming and he isn't looking forward to it (3:16-17). Things are going to be rough for him.

In time of (coming) trouble, I must remember that God hasn't promised lack of trouble, but His presence in the trouble.

Habakkuk rejoices in the Lord and and in His salvation (3:18). This seems unusual. Why would you rejoice in the salvation of the Lord when there is coming trouble? I think this is closely related to God's earlier statement of living by faith in 2:4b. My circumstances do not measure the extent or reality of God's salvation. They do not measure His love or goodness (although Hebrews will use suffering as an indication of it - Heb. 12:3-11).

I must live by faith in God's salvation--not a saving from the circumstances, but His redemption and goodness in them.

Finally, Habakkuk speaks of God being his strength (3:19), that he can walk in his "high places." In other words, God allows him to live "above" his circumstances, that by faith he can and does move to a greater place of trust and faith in God. God gives him the grace to endure and walk in them.

I must live by faith that God is my strength.

God is faithful, He is present, He is your salvation, and He is your strength. Reflect on the past, how God has been faithful to you and come through for you, and He is consistently your strength, working all trouble for the good of making each of us more like Christ.

Grace for Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob

In reading a bit of commentary on Romans 9 last night, the choice of Isaac and Jacob in verses 6-13 was highlighted as a powerful message of the grace of God. Paul brings back up the discussion of Abraham and the promise (4:16-21)--this promise being a son from both Abraham and Sarah. Ishmael, although firstborn of Abraham, was not this son, because the promise was by faith, and Ishmael was an attempt by Abraham to fulfill that promise on his own. However, Sarah was long past the age of bearing children, being 90 years old when she had Isaac. Thus, it had to be by faith that Isaac came, as entirely a gracious gift from God. There was no way Abraham and Sarah were going to be able to create this child of promise on their own. If anything, Ishmael demonstrates a weakness of faith in Abraham and Sarah that they thought they might 'help God out' in producing a son. But God's purpose was not to be altered--the son had to come through both Abraham and Sarah, well beyond their ability, that it might be shown to all that it was by grace through faith.

And then we come to Isaac and Rebekah, who have twins, but God does something unusual--He picks the younger through whom the blessing would continue (Rom. 9:13). Paul makes a point to observe that neither twin had done anything; they were both still in their mother's womb when God chose Jacob over Esau. The point again is that it is God's choice and God's purpose (9:11b)--that this is God's grace that is acting, choosing, and creating. It isn't on the basis of works. Certainly Jacob isn't the hallmark of integrity--he's a deceiver and a trickster throughout the story. But that is the point, and what Paul is calling attention to here. God did this to show "God's purpose according to His choice... not because of works but because of Him who calls" (Rom. 9:11b).

My natural tendency is to keep trying to do something to somehow please God and made Him more inclined to be favorable to me. That is "the Law" mentality and one that the Christian has been set free from. But there are still habits of legalism in me that come up and this truth of grace and God's choice must continue to be pressed into me. Reading this section last night and this morning shows this powerful story of God's gracious choice of His own purposes and choice, not due to any actions on the part of these people. God's salvation has always been by grace through faith, and Paul through the Holy Spirit is showing us that truth! He chose Abraham and Sarah by His grace, He made Isaac by grace, and He chose Jacob by grace. The faith is that God can do what He has promised, although praise God their faith was imperfect, as an example to me, whose faith is also imperfect. God isn't looking for perfection. He will fulfill His purpose. By His grace. I believe He will. Do you?

Judgment in James 2

For judgment will be merciless to the one who has shown no mercy; mercy triumphs over judgment. (James 2:13)

Recently at church a question was posed about sharing the gospel and if, in light of this verse, one can judge another person's actions as sin (in terms of calling out certain activity as sin to the other person). I've thought some about this question and wanted to articulate a response, because I think there is some confusion over this verse and the idea of judgment in general. I will use the context of the passage in James 2:1-13 to highlight what James is referring to, and thus, what he is not.

For James, judgment, in this passage, is showing favoritism to certain people on the basis of certain characteristics. He opens the passage with an example contrasting showing favoritism to a rich man over a poor man, and how doing so makes one become a "judge with evil motives." (2:4) The initial point here is that showing favoritism towards people on the basis of wealth is wrong. He follows this example with a few of the ten commandments and demonstrates that showing favoritism makes one guilty of breaking all of the law (2:8-10). This is difficult to follow on the heels of his rich/poor man example. What is the connection? Why does James, who is speaking of not showing favoritism, then immediately follow it with commandments and the breaking of that law?

I think the argument that James is making is the following: just as we are not to show favoritism to people on the basis of wealth, so too we are not to show favoritism to people on the basis of sin, because our own sin condemns us -- the very act of showing favoritism is sin! One is not more valuable than another based on the sins in one's life, just like one is not more valuable than another on the basis of one's wealth. The Christian faith is one in which we are walk without playing the personal favoritism game (2:1).

Now we can see James' use of judgment differs with the idea of judging sin as sin. One who is a Christian is one who has surrendered to and agrees with God's judgments. When God states that a sin is a sin, that is His judgment. To observe that, in my life, or in the life of another, is not taking the place of God or going beyond what is appropriate. It is to call 'good' what God calls good and evil what God calls evil. We get into trouble when we start making value statements on other people based on sin (or any other thing, such as wealth). And that is what James is addressing here. There may be times where sin is to be labeled as such, in the hopes of repentance and/or restoration (recall that in James 5:15-16 we are told to confess our sins to one another to be healed). But, I go too far when I use sin, or anything else, to show favoritism to one over another.

God is not (just) love

If, as the title provocatively suggests, one describes God as primarily love, then such a description of Him is not only incomplete but fails to accurately communicate Him as He has revealed Himself to us. And it creates enormous barriers for us to understand why He acts as He does.

Christianity in this century appears to have swung the pendulum into an extreme position where we almost entirely focus on and talk about God's attribute of love. Love is everywhere. God is love. Love, love, love. The most important thing you must believe about God is that He is love. And then we scratch our heads and can't understand large parts of the Bible and what they reveal to us about God because it sure doesn't seem like love!

May I suggest it is because we've made God into our own chosen image, an image that we want to see, an image that we want to worship, and an image we want to share, instead of Who He actually is? We want a God of love because that is tame and safe and friendly. We're kind of embarrassed at some of the things God did in the Bible. God needs a better sales strategy. Let's focus on love. All you need is love, right?

Except not.

Most (all?) of the time someone comes into the presence of God, their reaction is not warm fuzzies. It is terrifying, woe-is-me fear! This includes the "apostle of love", John, who when He sees Jesus (JESUS!), falls down as if he is a dead man in terror (Rev. 1:17-18)! And he's the "disciple whom Jesus loved," the guy who wrote that "God is love."

If we want to know God, we must accept Him as He has revealed Himself, not as we would have Him. God is all of His revealed attributes, all of the time, in all their fullness, in everything that He does, in their maximum perfection. He is holy, righteous, just, merciful, good, infinite, all-knowing, everywhere present, all-powerful, and love (to name a few). I will note that the seraphim around the throne of God do not sing "love, love, love, is the LORD God Almighty" day and night -- they sing "holy holy holy" (Isa. 6; Rev 4)! When we focus on one attribute of God to the detriment of the others, we fail to know Him and honor Him as God!

If a passage of Scripture doesn't seem to make sense, ask yourself if perhaps it is showing you a bigger God than you currently imagine, who is way more than just love.

Faith Seeking Understanding

This is the third post in a short series I am doing on the subject of doubt in the Christian life. I want to continue the idea introduced in the previous post about learning to be comfortable with not having absolute certainty, for certainty is an impossibility! But going even further, I think it is important to recognize that the very nature of Christianity involves questions that remained unanswered, unknowable realities, and, to quote a professor of mine, faith seeking understanding and sometimes not getting it!

We must acknowledge that because we follow God who is completely infinite in all that He is and does, we will 1) lack understanding in many things He does and is because of our finite and limited nature, and 2) what we do understand and know about God is entirely due to His gracious revelation of Himself.

If you recall God's response to Job in the Old Testament, what is possibly implied is that Job cannot understand God's reasoning for allowing the pain and suffering in Job's life! God asks Job a series of questions, asking Job to explain how God created, how God designed, how God eternally existed, to name just a few of the questions. We would be wise, as Job was, to recognize that such knowledge simply isn't possible for us! It is beyond us!

I know you (and I) don't want to hear this. Seriously. I want to know. I want to be able to know. I think myself fairly smart and surely I can understand! But can I explain to the God of the universe how He made even the simplest of organisms? Can I create a simple living thing on my own, with matter and energy that I created, without using the materials He has made? Good grief, no!

I have a dog who is quite a joy to have and spend time with. In one of our first walks, as I have related previously, she picked up a saw blade thinking it something fun to chew on. I quickly removed it from her mouth and we moved on. I was (and still am) unable to explain to her why I took it away from her in a manner that she would understand. Notice the conundrum. I want my dog to know that I am good in taking away this blade, but I am unable to do so, because of limitations in both of us. I would need to make myself a "dog" to speak to her in a language she could understand, and I'm not sure even as a dog she'd understand what "good" actually means when something is removed that she wants. She must simply trust me, without understanding. Jesus Christ, the second Member of the Trinity, became fully man, speaking our language, that we might know Him.

Now, the intellectual difference between my dog and I is nothing---nothing---compared to the difference between God and I. So anything God does, if I am to know any part of it and understand any part of it, will be entirely due to Him communicating to me. And I will only know in part, but not in whole. I simply do not have the capacity of mind to comprehend all of the wisdom of God.

To put this in a much more elegant way, let's turn to the great Anselm of Canterbury, in his famous Proslogion:

I acknowledge, Lord, and I thank you, that you have created in me this image of you that I may remember you, think of you, and love you. Yet this image is so eroded by my vices, so clouded by the smoke of my sins, that it cannot do what it was created to do unless you renew and refashion it. I am not trying to scale your heights, Lord; my understanding is in no way equal to that. But I do long to understand your truth in some way, your truth which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand in order to believe; I believe in order to understand. For I also believe that "Unless I believe, I shall not understand." (my emphasis) [Classics of Western Philosophy, 8th ed., Steven M. Cahn, 2012, Hackett Publishing]

The Grace of No

I am studying the book of 1 Corinthians with some friends and we discussed chapter 7 on Monday, which is on marriage and singleness. For a group of all singles, this can sometimes be a tough topic, especially when the desire for marriage is present, but years have gone without its fulfillment. I graduated college at 20 and fully expected to be married within a couple of years; now, in my upper 30s, I am still single, having never married, and am content with where I am at right now. Had you told me this when I was 20, I would have nearly died. Perhaps one reason God does not (usually) tell us the future is because we can't handle knowing it. I wouldn't have chosen this path in my 20s and certainly had no idea I'd be where I'm at today. God hasn't given me much of what I have asked for and I am better off because of it! He has spared me some catastrophic marriage choices that, while the breakup was painful, following through with the relationship would have been worse. I am incredibly grateful that He continued to say "No" despite my earnest pleading and crying. It is a reflection of His goodness that He has graciously said "No" and given me what I need, not what I wanted or thought I had to have.

Celebrate the grace of the "No" answers that God gives in your life, for His goodness is just as evident in those as it is in His "Yes" answers.

Releasing the Fantasy and Loving the Real

I didn't talk to my dad for seven years. This began a few months after I moved out of his house. It was because the few times I did talk to him in that period were so destructive and hurtful emotionally for me that it took at least a week after each for me to recover. Later, towards the end of the seven years, I was talking with a therapist about my inability to have a relationship with my dad and therefore my continued total blockage of the relationship to protect myself. He said something that really ticked me off: "Your relationship difficulties with your father are your fault."

What!?!

Now I had been in therapy long enough to know that there's gotta be more. But I was pretty ticked off. How dare he tell me that the pain that I experienced each time I saw my dad was my fault! Ok, deep breath. "Please explain."

"These difficulties are your fault because you are expecting your dad to be something he cannot be and yet you continue to approach him and expect him to do, to say, to be what he isn't and cannot be. You are old enough and have seen enough that you both know that this isn't possible and you are able to approach him with enough caution to guide the conversation and interaction around the issues and topics you know will cause you pain."

Whoah!

This changed, and I mean CHANGED, my relationship with my father. You see, before, I went to my dad with the fantasy expectation that I had of the father and son relationship that I had always pictured that we would have when I was an adult. Me, the independent son, inviting him over for beers and a good conversation about deep topics, or calling him on the phone and having an interesting discussion about current events, or asking his advice on something that I was facing. Him, the wise sage, now ready to dispense advice and yet respecting my independence, ready to listen, to offer feedback, and have good discussion that wasn't always in perfect agreement. But here's the reality of my relationship with my dad: that isn't possible. And frankly, for me to expect that of him isn't loving my dad for who he actually is, but loving some fantasy that isn't even him. Sure, it would be great to have that kind of relationship. But that's not what I've been given, it's not what I have. If I was to have any relationship with him, it had to be a real relationship that recognized and respected his limitations (even those he wouldn't recognize or accept about himself).

This has come with a lot of mourning and a lot of sadness, even today. The last two times I have seen him, I have wished for more, but I've had to accept what is, and mourn the loss of what isn't. I can't force him to be what he can't. I must see him and love him as he is. For me that means I don't get to share all of me with him, because I know there are certain ideas and opinions I have that he could not accept and it would add unnecessary pain to the relationship. It's tough to let go of the fantasy. The fantasy "feels" right.. and in a perfect world, it is! But I must accept my dad as fallen, just as I am fallen too. And turn the fullness of my desires, and sorrow, to the Perfect Father in heaven.

Reasons for Doubt

This is my second post in a series I am doing on doubt in the Christian walk (you can read the first post here). I want to continue to share my personal story with doubt and what I have discovered as the reasons I have doubted continue to doubt when they flare up again.

For me, doubt has had three roots: pain, ignorance, and rebellion. I think it is likely that this is true for most doubt. Let me take them one by one.

Pain can cause one to question the goodness of God. As I felt intense pain in my own life, primarily from what I felt was rejection and distance from my dad, I doubted the goodness of God. Pain and suffering--our own or that around us--can cause us to ask some really difficult questions. Why does pain and suffering exist if an all-powerful, all-good God exists? Why does God allow me to suffer? Or them to suffer? Why would God allow this? Does God even exist? Does He hear me? These are the ringing echos of cries that come from places of deep pain and suffering. And they are best not answered philosophically or intellectually, when one is in the midst of asking such questions! The question behind the question here is not intellectual, but one of the heart. This was one of the big mistakes of Job's friends who tried to "comfort" him by giving him answers in his suffering. Their finest moment was the first seven days when they simply sat with him and wept with him. As soon as they opened their mouths, they were done. Sometimes silence is the only thing we can do.

Ignorance is another root cause of doubt and questioning. This can occur when one has improper views from God (learned, implied, or assumed). As I struggled over the idea of God in my early 20s, my picture and image of God were primarily formed by my dad, and I wasn't thrilled with a God who was in my dad's image. My rejection of God was a rejection of that god, who I thought was as I had been raised. Thankfully, God is so much bigger than our conceptions and if you really want to find Him, He will be found!

Lastly, rebellion is a big reason for doubt. This, I fear, is not one that we find easy to confess, but when we are deeply and truly honest with ourselves, the idea of being accountable for our actions (especially knowing our own sinfulness) and our obedience being due to a higher power doesn't sit well with us. Our American Individualism doesn't want to be told what to do. After all, we have declared our independence and we have no king! The further I walked away from God, the deeper I went into outright rebellion against Him, as my choices and actions were against what His will was for my life. I didn't care. I wanted to go my own way. To quote C.S. Lewis in his struggle with coming to Christ:

"Remember, I had always wanted, about all things, not to be "interfered with."  I had wanted (mad wish) "to call my soul my own."  I had been far more anxious to avoid suffering than to achieve delight.  I had always aimed at limited liabilities.  The supernatural itself had been to me, first, an illicit dram, and then, as by a drunkard's reaction, nauseous."

Rebellion, whether in the form of "leave me alone" or "I will go my own way" can be easily covered up by the intellect raising "objections" to keep one at "arm's length" to God. And thus, I think this is the most insidious and nasty one, and the most camouflaged reason, even from ourselves.

Doubt

After a short discussion on the topic of doubt in my 20|30s church group, I want to further reflect on my experience with doubt in my walk and some of the lessons I've learned and been taught.

I was raised in an ultra-conservative, highly rigid form of Christianity (if you know him, Bill Gothard-style). There was no room for doubt. There was an answer for everything. I grew to expect certain results based on certain inputs. If one was a believer, then certain things would occur and conversely, others would not occur. Christians wouldn't get divorced, or if so, their divorce rates would be exponentially lower than non-Christians. Then I started getting out, first in college, and then on my own as I graduated college, moved to Dallas, and what I believed ran into the hard rock of reality. My assumptions were wrong. What I saw didn't match with what I had understood to be true. I quickly concluded that my understanding was wrong, and in the process, decided what I believed and had been taught was wrong too (the proverbial phrase of 'throwing the baby out with the bathwater'). Quoting from M. Scott Peck in his The Road Less Traveled (and I will address parts of this quote in a latter post since it contains aspects that I don't completely agree with, but it does provide a good context):

To develop a religion or world view that is realistic...we must constantly revise and extend our understanding to include new knowledge of the larger world. We must constantly enlarge our frame of reference... We must rebel against and reject the religion of our parents... our religion must be a wholly personal one, forged entirely through the fire of our own questioning and doubting in the crucible of our own experience with reality.

After trying a couple of churches in Dallas, I finally gave up and went agnostic for a few years and the more I observed of Christianity (primarily American evangelicalism), the more it disgusted me and my doubts became greater. I developed a mental stance that in order for Christianity to be true, my doubts must be fully and completely satisfied and my questions fully answered; and since this wasn't possible, Christianity was an untenable position for me. I continued to hold to the standard I had been raised with, but since that standard wasn't achievable, I wouldn't believe.

I share this personal story in what I plan as the first of a short series of posts on doubt in order to highlight what I consider to be the most important thing I've learned about doubt: you will never have absolute certainty about anything in life and if that becomes your standard, nothing will measure up or satisfy. One of the big reasons I stepped away from Christianity for a while was because my standard for certainty was unreasonable--it was too rigid and strict. I wanted to see, touch, taste, and smell, and that has simply not been given to me, nor to you.

So, I would urge you to consider your own expectations of evidence and certainty as you think about your expectations of God and how He reveals His truth to you. How much certainty are you expecting?

A Grace that Withholds

I was reflecting this morning on the first few verses in Ephesians and God's boundless grace. As I've thought about God's graciousness, I've realized that His grace is evident just as much in what He does not give as in what He gives. The Psalmist writes that "he does not treat us as our sins deserve" (Ps. 103:10). Jesus Christ paid the price and took the wrath of God upon Himself so we would not be the recipients of that wrath. There is so much to grace that is a withholding grace.

This is consistent with our experience in even the daily things we do. There are hundreds of things I withhold from my dog, not because I hate her, but because they are not good for her. In her perspective, I am probably quite a kill-joy at times, but saw blades and cigarette butts aren't good for her! Heck, she'd eat herself to death if given the chance!

For me personally, I can clearly see many things--jobs, relationships, activities, possessions--I thought I could not live without, and yet in hindsight, I am so grateful He did not give me what I thought I had to have. I am grateful He took it away. I am grateful His grace withheld.

Perhaps you can think of things that have been withheld or taken from you, that at the time seemed horrible, but now you are so thankful that He did take it from you. Grace gives--both in what we don't have and in removing what we don't need.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21)

Fear

As a child, one of the reasons I was very bad at sports was that I was afraid of being hurt--being hit by the ball, being kicked, being injured, whatever. Unfortunately, this was consistent with my attitude towards most things: being afraid of them. I've noticed that my dog exhibits similar characteristics. She too is afraid. She is afraid of other dogs because she is afraid of being hurt (having been hurt a couple of times before by another dog). As I was walking her this morning, we came across another dog who was quite the gentle and sweet dog, but Coco would have none of this dog, for she was afraid. I felt sad because she is missing the freedom of having interaction with her own kind and the fun that can be for her.

My dad's response to my fear was usually anger, which, can I tell you, is really not a good way to get your child to not be afraid?! I went from being afraid of the thing to being afraid of both the thing and his reaction! I was thinking about it this morning as I watched my dog's fear, wondering what I could do to help her.

How does God respond to our fear? Does He get angry? Does He wash his hands and leave us on our own? Does He throw us in the deep end and wish us the best of luck? Exactly the opposite! I consistently see God telling His people that He is with them when He is exhorting them to not fear. For example, in Isaiah 41:10 God says "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you; surely I will uphold you by my righteous right hand." One thing to note is all of the spacial relationships in this one verse.

• I am with you - beside you (around you)
• I am your God - above you
• I will strengthen you; I will help you - in you
• I will uphold you - below you

Perhaps a better response to the fear in another is to enter into that fear with them. Be with them. Be beside them, helping them, supporting them, encouraging them, praying for them. I'm not really sure what this looks like in a parent/child relationship, since I am not a parent. But I might have one suggestion to start. Because my perspective and knowledge is significantly greater than my dog's, I need to be more understanding of her fear, recognizing her limited perspective. This is, I think, part of what it means to enter into the fear of another. With a child, one needs to work to remember (if possible) what it was like to be at that age, perhaps with those same fears. Put yourself in his or her shoes. It will go a long way toward understanding.

Some Turbulence May Occur

I just finished watching The Prince of Egypt, which is a 1998 animation of the story of Moses and the Exodus--the miraculous intervention of God to set the Jewish people free from their slavery in Egypt. Through the plagues, through the pillar of fire that stopped the Egyptian army while the people crossed the Red Sea, and the crossing of the Red Sea by splitting the waters in half, God's strength and power were evident.

As I watched the sea being split in the movie, I noticed there was a lot of fear in the faces of the people as they contemplated walking through the sea. No kidding! There are walls of water on both sides of you held up by One you can't see and you're just gonna trot on over to the other side with barely a thought?! You start to realize just how big God is! The disciples had the same experience when Jesus calmed the storm. Mark says that after Jesus calmed the storm, his disciples were "terrified" (4:41). The similarities and contrasts are interesting. In the Exodus, it took all night for the waters to be divided (Ex. 14:21); when Christ spoke, the storm stopped right then. In both stories, we see the power of God over water and wind, one visible, one invisible. In the former story, the people went through the water. In the latter, the disciples are in a boat on top of the water. Yet both feared death, the people of Israel from Pharaoh and his army, and the disciples from drowning. Moses was simply a representative of God, but Christ was the Word made flesh. In both, God controls the wind and water, one to blow strongly to separate, and the other to cease blowing to calm.

It can feel pretty rough and windy sometimes. Lately, it certainly has felt that way, as it seems like there is more terror, more partisanship, more division than in a while. It's easy to become disheartened and to feel hopeless. But God can use the wind or He can stop it. He can calm the storm or He can create one. He can still the waters or He can separate them. His call is still same: Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith? (Mark 4:40)