Flurry of Jingles

My beloved Coco used to run down stairs when the sound or smell of food emerged from the kitchen, and with her collar, she would jingle her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. It was a flurry of jingles as she would bound her way down with all enthusiasm. This is a little poem of this memory.

Flurry of jingles, it was time to go,

Running down stairs, how I miss you so.

Flurry of jingles, as I start to eat,

Miss sweet little face, pressed up on my knee.

Flurry of jingles, the years went by fast,

I'd hoped you stay longer, I'd hope you would last.

Flurry of jingles, I thank God for you,

The years were so many, yet now they seem few.

Flurry of jingles, so much did you give,

God taught me so much, of Him as you lived.

Flurry of jingles, it is a goodbye,

I'll miss you, my pup, and now I'll go cry.

Flurry of jingles, no more suffering,

Run free and run fast, what you're made to be.

A Grateful Goodbye

Less than an hour ago I had my beloved dog, Coco, of almost 12 years, put to sleep. It was a normal morning until about 6:30 today when she came up to me breathing differently and acting very lethargic. I took her to the vet and then the vet ER, which diagnosed a bleed around her heart, probably due to tumor. The odds of repair were low and with her age, it was time to say goodbye. I got to hold her as she took her final breath.

About a year ago, she had some issues with her back legs which ended up being age-related, but it was a good scare and one that made me realize that time was short and I needed to maximize whatever time I had left with her. One of my (mostly) daily disciplines is a gratitude list and frequently one of the items has been her. How grateful I have been to have a dog and to enjoy and learn about God through the experience. One of my prayers has been to know when it was time and to let go with gratitude. And I did. I had the time before the injection to pray and thank God for the time with her, for how much He has taught me about Himself through her, and to gratefully thank Him for all of His goodness to me through the life of my beloved Coco. What a great gift of God! How marvelous and gracious of Him to give me such a long time with her! And I've had even more time with her in the last two months since work has been entirely work from home and school is online only, due to the virus.

Saying goodbye is tough. I've already cried my eyes out this morning and will do for a while. But it is a grateful goodbye. While I hurt, my heart expresses thankfulness for the ability to experience the joy of having a great dog. God made the dog family to relate to humans in a special way. How good of a Creator He is to make such things. It hurts to let go, but He is the source and author of all creation--she was made by Him and was but a passing shadow of His beauty and loveliness. How creative He is! How delightful He is! How loud He is! How fun He is!

I am truly grateful.

Hope in time of panic

Biblical hope is certain, not wishful. We tend to use hope as a synonym for wish. I hope it rains tomorrow = I wish/would like it to rain tomorrow. That is not how the Bible uses the word. Biblical hope is certain, because it rests on the Person of God, who cannot lie, and the plan of God, which never fails. How do I know? I reflect on the past, on what God has done (remember Habakkuk?), to use as a basis for trust in what He will do. Or as my favorite professor says, "What God has done in the past is a model and a promise of what he will do in the future, but he's too creative to do the same thing the same way twice." Then I act in faith on that basis, choosing to love, choosing to trust, choosing to act in trust and love instead of fear. And I have certain hope. Because love never fails. Because God is trustworthy. Because His promises are certain. Because He is my salvation (this is the meaning of my name, Joshua).

My brother was at Target yesterday and spoke with a lady with five children whose husband was just laid off. Unfortunately, and I think this is probably true of many of us, my brother expressed sorrow for her loss, but didn't think anything further. The food at Target was out. It didn't occur to him to get her information so he or others could help. In times of distress, it is easy and natural for our focus to become very self-centered--do I have enough ___? We are so busy buying what we think we need that we miss the needs of others. We are only going out to buy our own essential items and forget that maybe we ought to be looking out for others.

How about offering hope to someone in need today? Or even someone who is not in need? Even an encouraging word. But be more concrete. If you know someone is in need and you are able to meet it, give it, buy it, share it, do it. Fellow Christians, be the hands and feet of Jesus--not virtually, but physically! Bear one another's burdens (Gal. 6:2). Have an open hand, not a closed fist.

Pastors, do what you can to meet with every one of your congregation, as frequently as you can. If you can't do so physically, call them!

Those employed, find someone who just lost their job and meet what needs you can of theirs. Share it with those around you so together you all can do so.

Those thinking about ordering food, pay extra for the food you receive, support your local diners and restaurants, give a larger tip, be sure to thank them!

If you are hoarding, stop! Share. Don't bulk up in your purchases. There is plenty.

For all of us, be thankful, be encouraging, be calm (and wash your hands). Pray, remembering that many (most?) times God uses people to answer the prayers for others. Maybe you are to be someone's answered prayer today.

Give hope.

Love in time of panic

One of my close friends has a sister who was married this weekend. While their original plans with catering and the celebration were changed due to cancellations, I have to applaud them for following through and not delaying. In a time of panic, they chose to love and commit. In a time of panic, they chose life.

In our present time with the panic over the virus, chose love over fear. Share instead of hoard. Be open-handed with those around you. If you see a need and are able to meet it, do so--even if it costs you. Have additional patience (oh how difficult!) when shopping. Fear brings out worst in people, love can bring out the very best. Choose to love.

Releasing the Fantasy and Loving the Real

I didn't talk to my dad for seven years. This began a few months after I moved out of his house. It was because the few times I did talk to him in that period were so destructive and hurtful emotionally for me that it took at least a week after each for me to recover. Later, towards the end of the seven years, I was talking with a therapist about my inability to have a relationship with my dad and therefore my continued total blockage of the relationship to protect myself. He said something that really ticked me off: "Your relationship difficulties with your father are your fault."

What!?!

Now I had been in therapy long enough to know that there's gotta be more. But I was pretty ticked off. How dare he tell me that the pain that I experienced each time I saw my dad was my fault! Ok, deep breath. "Please explain."

"These difficulties are your fault because you are expecting your dad to be something he cannot be and yet you continue to approach him and expect him to do, to say, to be what he isn't and cannot be. You are old enough and have seen enough that you both know that this isn't possible and you are able to approach him with enough caution to guide the conversation and interaction around the issues and topics you know will cause you pain."

Whoah!

This changed, and I mean CHANGED, my relationship with my father. You see, before, I went to my dad with the fantasy expectation that I had of the father and son relationship that I had always pictured that we would have when I was an adult. Me, the independent son, inviting him over for beers and a good conversation about deep topics, or calling him on the phone and having an interesting discussion about current events, or asking his advice on something that I was facing. Him, the wise sage, now ready to dispense advice and yet respecting my independence, ready to listen, to offer feedback, and have good discussion that wasn't always in perfect agreement. But here's the reality of my relationship with my dad: that isn't possible. And frankly, for me to expect that of him isn't loving my dad for who he actually is, but loving some fantasy that isn't even him. Sure, it would be great to have that kind of relationship. But that's not what I've been given, it's not what I have. If I was to have any relationship with him, it had to be a real relationship that recognized and respected his limitations (even those he wouldn't recognize or accept about himself).

This has come with a lot of mourning and a lot of sadness, even today. The last two times I have seen him, I have wished for more, but I've had to accept what is, and mourn the loss of what isn't. I can't force him to be what he can't. I must see him and love him as he is. For me that means I don't get to share all of me with him, because I know there are certain ideas and opinions I have that he could not accept and it would add unnecessary pain to the relationship. It's tough to let go of the fantasy. The fantasy "feels" right.. and in a perfect world, it is! But I must accept my dad as fallen, just as I am fallen too. And turn the fullness of my desires, and sorrow, to the Perfect Father in heaven.

A Grace that Withholds

I was reflecting this morning on the first few verses in Ephesians and God's boundless grace. As I've thought about God's graciousness, I've realized that His grace is evident just as much in what He does not give as in what He gives. The Psalmist writes that "he does not treat us as our sins deserve" (Ps. 103:10). Jesus Christ paid the price and took the wrath of God upon Himself so we would not be the recipients of that wrath. There is so much to grace that is a withholding grace.

This is consistent with our experience in even the daily things we do. There are hundreds of things I withhold from my dog, not because I hate her, but because they are not good for her. In her perspective, I am probably quite a kill-joy at times, but saw blades and cigarette butts aren't good for her! Heck, she'd eat herself to death if given the chance!

For me personally, I can clearly see many things--jobs, relationships, activities, possessions--I thought I could not live without, and yet in hindsight, I am so grateful He did not give me what I thought I had to have. I am grateful He took it away. I am grateful His grace withheld.

Perhaps you can think of things that have been withheld or taken from you, that at the time seemed horrible, but now you are so thankful that He did take it from you. Grace gives--both in what we don't have and in removing what we don't need.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21)

My Truth, Your Truth

Last night at the IBC20|30s group, our pastor asked a question about this common phrase "my truth" and "your truth", asking us what we thought of these statements and if there was "truth" in those statements. Put another way, can you have your truth and I have mine and they both be true?

I am a recovering fundamentalist and so I still slightly wince at the phrases my truth and your truth. If truth is true, how can each hold to something different and both be true? I want to jump up and drop the mic of absolute truth and walk off. What I have found is I have held to an overly simplified view of truth and of people, out of fear and laziness of not wanting to actually engage real people in real situations struggling with real issues.

I think much of my--and perhaps your--approach to religion at times can be one in which we adopt a certain set of propositions and truth statements, which gives us comfort in having the "right answer" as we navigate through the complexities of life. It's like the reason young children watch the same movie over and over again--knowing the outcome is comforting in a world that is ever changing. And yet, just as children grow and mature, accepting more complexity and newness and learning to leave the old behind, so too we must leave the simple and move toward the real. And part of embracing this reality is to recognize that people are complex and their reasons for acting and feeling the way they do cannot be squeezed into a simple mold of "black/white", "right/wrong", "good/bad".

We know this about ourselves intrinsically. If I choose to work out, I am doing it 1) so that I might feel better, 2) because it is healthy, 3) so that I might eat more, 4) to look better physically, 5) to burn off that extra cookie I had last night, 6) because I feel guilty for skipping these last few days, and there are at least several other reasons on top of these that I am not even aware of! And all of these are true! And this is the simplest of examples. Imagine the complexity of intention regarding things so much bigger!

I do want to affirm that there is absolute truth and that there is an unchanging, ever solid center of reality that is always true--God Himself, revealed to us in Jesus Christ, spoken through the Spirit in the Scriptures, and acknowledged in the regula fidei. None of this "my truth" and "your truth" is intended to supplant or cast this aside. But we would be wise to exercise caution in what we hold in that solid center and what might actually be outside of it. I know my tendency is and has been to drag as much into that rigid center because it asks so little of me. After all, it's much easier to walk around like the priest or Levite in the story of the Good Samaritan than it is to enter into the messiness of another's life--a messiness that requires me to acknowledge their truth and to love with Christ's love.

The love of Christ, Harry Potter, and Addison Road

This morning I was meditating on the love of Christ and read in Ephesians 3:14-19:

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

The love of Christ is to provide the base for everything I do. Rooted and grounded are words that indicate roots, foundation, depth, and certainty. I remember reading that the measurement words here are also used in astronomy, so the picture Paul writes here is one of the solar system, universe, the sheer immensity of the love of Christ. The foundation has no end to it!

Not only does Christ’s love provide a foundation, but it also gives me a covering. If you remember the story of Harry Potter and how his mother died trying to save him when Voldemort came to kill him, the killing curse that Voldemort cast at Harry rebounded back onto Voldemort. The death of Harry’s mother cast a shield of protection around him – it was her love, and thus her death, that protected Harry from the killing (remember it was one of the unstoppable) curse. In the same way, Christ’s death covers me from the curse of death and I am saved because of His love. Death kills itself because Christ stands between me and death, having died once and for all out of His love. The love of Christ is a covering.

And one more – the love of Christ provides me with the ability to be authentic. One of my favorite songs by Addison Road expresses this much better than I can (my emphasis):

Who I Am In You by Addison Road

Secrets they were killing me
Pulled me under in too deep
All those shadows they don't let go
Easily

But everything I covered up
Is opening inside Your love
Let Your grace illuminate
The heart in me

Oh, You're bringing me to life
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am in You
Oh, You're changing me inside
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am in You

Breath Your breath into my soul
Let my heart beat with Your own
I need Your mercy
Even when it hurts
Please shine on me
Shine on me

Oh, You're bringing me to life
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am in You
Oh, You're changing me inside
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am

If there's anything I try to hide
I pray that You will bring it to the light
Strip away the lies that I pretend
Teach me how to be a child again

Resting in Your arms
Resting in Your arms
And I could feel Your love changing me

Oh, You're bringing me to life
And I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am in You
Oh, I've finally realized
That I'm finding who I am in You
Who I am
In You
Who I am in You
Who I am in You

This is an amazing song, but more than that, it reflects an amazing truth. His gentle love strips the lies and facades built to protect my real self and provides me with the freedom to actually be the real me.

There is so much more that the love of Christ provides, but this morning, this is what He has impressed upon me. I hope you find it encouraging as well.

Forrest Gump

Last weekend some friends came over and we had our usual discussion on what movie to watch. One of the options was Forrest Gump. While this was not the final movie chosen, my mind has wandered back several times this week to that movie, one of my favorites.

I remember being told by my earthly dad that after seeing the movie, he went out and wept. I found that surprising, for he was rarely one to admit or show that particular emotion. I have thought a lot about what it was in that movie that made him weep and, while this isn’t the primary purpose of my post, I think the reason was because Gump just by being himself made such an impact. I think there is a desire there in his heart to do something “big” for God and I think it pained him to see a story about one who just by being a genuine person was so huge.

How sad that makes me, for I don’t think God is about being “big” or how much of an impact we have on this earth. For Him, I think it about cause, rather than effect. What are the motives of my heart? God would rather me reach out in His love to one person than preach a sermon of judgment where hundreds of consciences are pricked. The least in the kingdom will be the greatest, Christ taught. The small, insignificant things I do just might be mountains in God’s eyes. And those big things I am so proud of probably don’t mean much to Him. I am saddened because the very thing he yearns for he already has, he just can’t accept it.

For me, and I think for so many others, the main reason the movie made such a powerful impression and why we love it so much is because it is the picture of unconditional love. After seeing the movie, I too wept, but not because of the impact Forrest made. What I yearned for was that kind of love, the unconditional love and acceptance. And I find myself walking in the same shoes as my earthly father – yearning for something I already have. Because unconditional love is found in my Heavenly Father.

Perhaps one of the mistakes we make, I know I do, is to try to picture God’s love like the love I experience here on earth. That picture cannot be any further from the truth! How often I forget that God who cannot be measured, who made a universe that still is not measured, must also have a love that is not measurable. How often the scripture talks about God’s love and how many times I glance over it with a “that’s nice” thought.

Do I find myself refusing His love like Jenny: “You don’t want to marry me”, “You can’t keep trying to rescue me”? We watch in the movie as Jenny searches high and low for something, someone who will accept and love her and will make her happy, and it is right in front of her the entire time! How happy (and tearful) was I when finally she surrendered to his love:

Jenny: “Why are you so good to me?”
Forrest “You’re my girl.”
Jenny: “I’ll always be your girl.”

Why is God so good to me, so good to you? Because I’m His boy and you’re His boy or girl – and you’ll always be His. How difficult it is to surrender to unconditional love because it is so hard to unconditionally accept it. Just as Forrest loved Jenny because of who he was, so God loves you and I because of who He is.

I find in my own life that it is difficult to accept God’s unconditional love for me because I don’t love other people unconditionally. I judge God’s love in the light of my own – and how shallow I am! I think the real truth is – only as we surrender to God’s unconditional love are we ever able to start loving other people unconditionally. In first John, it is written that “We love because He first loved us.” I can respond in love to Him and others only because He made the first move, He first loved me and you.