What is your faith in?

Let me start by saying I don't like the word faith, not because of the word or its meaning, but because it has been redefined and overused in the American culture and hardly means what it is intended to mean. So I will use words like "trust" and "belief" in addition to "faith".

One of the best books I have read on faith as it exists in Christianity is one called Velvet Elvis. It was also one of the most challenging and difficult books for me to read.

The author suggests that the Christian belief is more like a trampoline than a brick wall; it is flexible and can bend without breaking. He also said, and it was one of the statements that really hit me hard, that truth is truth regardless of where it is found. It was not hard because it did not make sense, but because while I think it is true, I have rarely lived it.

What this book moved me to a year ago was to look hard at exactly what my faith is in. In my days prior to coming back to Christ, I had posted quite adamantly that one must believe in the entire Bible as literal truth, or none of it. What a nice black and white statement coming from someone who at the time saw no gray. But that is the way I was raised. Please don't misunderstand that I am one of those who thinks God is a chicken because it says He has wings. I understand metaphor where it is used; but I believed (and primarily still do) that it is best to interpret it as literal unless it is clear otherwise.

What brings me back to this belief question is the start of a debate again discussing the age of the earth, something I have been quite firm about in the past. I have previously seen it as: either the earth is young or the Bible is a lie. What was my faith in?

I have spent a lot of time redefining what exactly I believe and what that belief and trust rests on. I have come to the following conclusion:

My faith rests completely on who Christ is and what He did.

What are the practical implications of this statement? It means that while I may enjoy a debate on the age of the earth, the size of the flood, or the meaning of a "day" in creation, my opinion or another's opinion is not crucial to my trust in Christ. If it were to be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the earth is truly millions of years old, or that a worldwide flood is impossible, it will not change my belief in Jesus Christ.

I spent so much time nitpicking as the smallest of details and I missed the greater truth. Is the point of the creation story that God made things in 24-hour days or that He created the world? Is the point of the flood that the world was covered completely by water, or that every living thing died except Noah and his family because of gross sin? Am I spending too much time being tossed in every wave of doctrine, or spending my time focusing on knowing Christ (see previous post on this subject)?

This may be very difficult to read and I understand that difficulty because I have spent a lot of time struggling with it. And this post, like all my others, represents my thoughts and opinions; it is something I hope you think through prayerfully and in the light of God's Word.

My belief rests on who Jesus Christ is, fully God, and what He did, coming in human form, dying and rising again, as reported in the Bible.

And so I leave you with the same question, what, or perhaps, who, is your faith in?

Some of my favorite movie quotes

Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
Fellowship of the Ring

(Sam): By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
(Frodo): What are we holding onto, Sam?
(Sam): That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.
The Two Towers

I can't carry the ring for you... but I can carry you!
Return of the King

There are too many ideas and too many people. And too many directions to go. I was starting to believe that the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that is whittles the world down to a more manageable size.
Adaptation

There is no normal life, there's just life, ya live it…say goodbye to me, go grab that spirited actress and make her your own. Take that and don't look back. Live every second, live right on through the end. Live Wyatt, live for me. Wyatt, if you were ever truly my friend, or if ya ever had just the slightest of feelin' for me, leave now, leave now, please.
Tombstone

I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really... Delivers. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you…
High Fidelity

I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.
The Notebook

Why don't you love me, Jenny? I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is.
Forrest Gump

There are no guarantees, but remember: Even in the future, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour.
Vanilla Sky

You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?
Devil’s Advocate

You make me want to be a better man.
As Good As It Gets

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Princess Bride


So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy [stuff]. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - ménage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic….So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I want to hurt her - because I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling. And I'm like "What the [heck] is wrong with you?" and she's telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn't do anything wrong, so she's not gonna apologize. So I tell her it's over, and I walk…It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away...
Chasing Amy

That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it hurts, but it's sort of all we have.
Garden State

(Answering why he likes Pinot) Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.
Sideways

When some body hurts you they take power over you, if you don't forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive yourself.
Diary of a Mad Black Woman

God and Emotions

I received a text this morning with the question "Does God have emotion?" What a great question! What a perfect way to begin my morning! I was totally excited about this question and I have been thinking about it all day, with great delight!

I have blogged very recently that emotions are neither good nor bad, and I closed that blog by stating that God has emotions (see Emotions, 12/15/2006). So yes, God does have emotion.

There is a tendency to think that emotions are bad, because we see the fruits of the negative ones, such as anger, jealousy, bitterness, and greed. But there is our first misconception. There is no such thing as a bad emotion. At least I hope not, for notice the following couple of verses that describe two of these negative emotions:

They made him [God] jealous with their foreign gods and angered him with their detestable idols. (Duet. 32:16)

Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. (Ex. 34:14)

What fills me with excitement (notice: excitement is an emotion I am feeling based on my reaction to this question) is that this reveals something great about the way we are created. You see, we are made in His image. We have emotions because He does. We feel because He does. If we were to be emotionless, we would not be made in His image.

Emotions add the variety to life. Without them we would all respond the same way to every situation. It is our emotions that allow us to be different: when it rains, some may feel depressed, and others happy. It is the interpretation of the events that generate the emotion. Emotions help give us uniqueness.

So how does God emote? I am so excited about the upcoming Point study on the attributes of God, and the first attribute I believe answers the question: infinitude. This word means "all that God is He is without limit or measure." When God feels, He feels completely, because He is complete! When God loves, He loves completely! When God is angry, it is infinite anger (not in time, but in quantity). Is it any wonder that unbelievers will be paralyzed in fear before God on judgment day?

This is so awesome for me to think about! How boring life would be to serve a God without emotions? His emotions add such variety and color to life! And yet, God's emotions, unlike ours, never rule Him. God is in completely control of Himself. This is accomplished because God is fully Himself in all things. He is completely Love, Holy, Righteous, Just, Mercy, and Truth (to name a few). It is not that one rules the other. He is all things, completely. Hard to imagine, and yet oh, what a great thought!

Ideal versus Practical -- Initial Thoughts

When I took a class on The Purpose Driven Life at church back in the summer of last year, I was given a personality test called Servants by Design and scored 100% in two of the categories, one of them being the Dreamer category. At first I found this surprising, but I quickly realized that it was true. The discovery helped me learn more about myself, but I have still wondered about how to integrate my “dreamer” with the reality of life. This post by no means answers this question, but contains some of my thoughts on the subject.

I find it interesting that Paul, when writing about love, specifically states the following:

When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things (1 Cor. 13:11).

I suspect that dreaming comes from at least three places, the first from our childhood, the second from living as fallen individuals in an imperfect world that was designed for perfection, and the third from being human. The first is from woundedness, the second from fallenness, and the third from humanness. The first can be healed, for Christ is a Healer, the second can’t be changed but can be improved by growing in a deeper relationship with Him, and the third is a gift from Him as one made in His image, creative and full of life.

I have spoken quite a bit here about wounds and healing and will do so more in the future, so while I may touch on it briefly here, I do not want to go in depth. And as the verse above suggests, a deeper love results from and creates a deeper maturity in a person.

What I found is that my dreams detract from me living a more full life, because I am continuously disappointed by what I expect or wish for and what actually happens or is! And so in order to more fully integrate myself with what is, I ask myself what we all ask which is, is this realistic? And I find I end up asking myself this quite a bit! But I go further…

I think it is silly to dismiss a dream simply because it is unrealistic. Why do I desire it in the first place? Is this desire covering up another desire? (see earlier post titled The Inner Desire) What is underneath this desire? What is it that I want that this is revealing to me?

Let me give an example, that while I am both embarrassed and laughing at myself, it may help illustrate this. Suppose I envision in some romantic fantasy that a girl will show up at my doorstep with flowers and be Mrs. Right for me. This is funny to even write. The Parent “ego” might say “That is completely ridiculous” and it is very much unrealistic. But it is not something to completely dismiss. What does it reveal? A desire to be with someone. And is this desire bad? No, in fact, it is by design! So, I can then channel the unrealistic fantasy into a more realistic one – by thanking my Creator for giving me these desires and searching His Word to discover what I am to do and be before Him. Perhaps, in fact, quite likely, He wants the situation to be reversed!! Although the concept of Mr. or Mrs. Right is, I do not think, realistic either.

The primary point I want to illustrate here is that dismissing dreams or fantasies without carefully investigating their source will only feed them more. Somewhere, a real desire is speaking and needs to be heard. When we give ourselves the ear we need, we may find that we are more fully human and accepting of ourselves. And in the process of discovering the real desire, we may be able to begin positive steps towards fulfilling it!

Now, on a practical note, this sucks! Why? Because I have gotten good at either denying or covering up my desires and by acknowledging and searching for the truth, I am opening myself up to being more real. And, because I am such a dreamer, I am finding just how much I dream and end up steering myself towards a deeper reality. I say “this sucks” because it is hard work.

Powell states that change begins when we discover ourselves to be a certain way (the “aha” moment of truth). Because at that moment, we either choose to remain that way (and that in itself is different than before) or we start to exchange our immature habits for more mature ones. And much of that is speaking truth to myself. Does not the truth set us free? And love rejoices in the truth!

Christianity

One of the hardest things we face as adults is to separate the implementation or belief in an idea by our parents (and thus, what we are taught as children) and what is really true about the idea. I struggled greatly several years ago with facing my dad's version of Christianity that I grew up with. I became quite sick of myself, sick of what it "required" me to say, do, and be. And so I decided that Christianity was incorrect and that I would not have a relationship with God, for I thought that God was like my dad. I rationalized this decision by emphasizing to myself that He was really an unknown, so how could we be sure of Him anyway?

The Father, in His mercy, had other plans for me, for I don't think He particularly cares for us to continue to walk with incorrect ideas and views of Him. It is one thing to reject God after seeing Who He is (simple rebellion), it is quite another to reject Him because one is misinformed of His character.

After reading The Curate's Awakening by MacDonald in July of last year, I began reading through the gospels with this question: Who is Christ and Who does He reveal the Father to be? Here is the quote from MacDonald that really ignited this in my heart:

"If by [the intellect] we could prove there is a God, it would be of small avail indeed. We must see Him and know Him. And I know of no other way of knowing that there is a God but that which reveals what He is -- and that way is Jesus Christ... Your business... is to acquaint yourself with the man Jesus: he will be to you the one to reveal the Father. Take your New Testament as if you had never seen it before, and read to find out." (The Curate's Awakening, Chapter 6)

What I have found in my reading is that the things about God that I hated are usually the things that He hates too! And the things about God that I longed for were the things that He is. Let me give you another MacDonald quote, my favorite of his:

"In my own childhood and boyhood my father was the refuge from all the ills of life, even sharp pain itself. Therefore, I say to the son or daughter who has no pleasure in the name Father, "You must interpret the word by all that you have missed in life. All that human tenderness can give or desire in the nearness and readiness of love, all and infinitely more must be true of the perfect Father -- of the maker of fatherhood." (The Heart of George MacDonald, as quoted in Wild at Heart)

What I want to emphasize this morning is that much of my struggle with God has been a marred painting of Who He is. It is as if my dad took a Rembrandt, threw paint and dirt all over it and then handed it to me and said, "This is a Rembrandt."

Much of this is captured in my testimony that is posted here (back on March 25th of this year). I emphasize this part because it is essential to take the things we believe and yet struggle greatly with, and look at them carefully, and ask ourselves -- is this true? Do I believe this because it is reality or because it is what I have been taught? And in relation to God, we find the painting of Him by looking at Christ.

"He who has seen me has seen the Father," Christ said in John 14:9. I begin today to share with you what I have learned about Christ by asking you to reflect on the following word that is so descriptive of Him: tender.

Emotions

I want to share something that has been a huge awakening in my life in the last few months. It is something that I have briefly touched on previously regarding emotions, and comes from a few books I have read, one referenced before by John Powell.

Emotions are neither good nor bad. They indicate the satisfaction of wants and needs.

Dwell on that statement for a minute. Let it sink in.

Emotions are similar to a stop light. The color of the stop light is neither good nor bad. The "legality" of your action is what you do in response to the stop light's color. Driving through a red light is not a good idea! The stop light is a sign that indicates the flow of traffic and what is needed in order to conform with the flow. You can chose to pay attention to the color, or ignore it, in which case you are a danger to other drivers, and can cause an accident.

My action based on my emotion is what is positive or negative.

I am reading a book called Becoming Real which is similar in concept to some of the ideas Eldrege shares in his Wild at Heart book. The idea is that we create stories that rationalize the events that happen in our childhood in order to make sense of those events without villainizing the perpetrators of those events because we need those people. What I mean is that a child will rarely have the mental competence to think, "The action my parent just took right now was a bad choice on the part of my parent." Usually, the child will think there is something wrong with him/herself.

How does this relate to me? My dad was very vocal in his anger growing up. I can say now as an adult that his anger was completely inappropriate and wrong. But as a child, I created a story or an idea that anger was wrong! I should not feel or be angry! This is completely unrealistic, and yet I have been operating from this belief or story for quite some time, much to my own frustration. So let's take the above concept and apply it to anger, a commonly misinterpreted "wrong" emotion.

Anger is neither good nor bad. It is an indicator that my wants and needs are either satisfied or not. What want or need is being frustrated or blocked? Am I afraid (many times anger's root is fear)? What am I afraid of? Why am I afraid? What need or want is my fear covering? In this example, my dad's anger (I think) was because of fear, and the fear underneath was due to an (irrational) want/need to predict and control the future. The control concept is one of my "learned behaviors" I have been and am working on "unlearning". But that is a post for another day.

What I want to emphasize here is that instead of dismissing an emotion as silly - "I should not feel this way" - I begin a process of investigating the source of the emotion and turn it into a positive expression for my life. This may be very obvious to you, but I missed this part of training as a child. :) Do they teach this in school?

One final thought. The Bible describes God has feeling a wide range of emotions. Anger is a common emotion that He feels ("the anger of the Lord"...). Jealousy, hatred, love, tenderness, and many others are all over His Word.

To sum up what I have been saying:

1. Accurately identify the emotion
2. Identify the want or need the emotion is "speaking" from.
3. Identify if the want or need is realistic and practical (if not, is there a want or need underneath this one? See my earlier post on The Inner Desire).
4. Determine positive action steps to meet the want or need in a way that does not infringe on others wants and needs (future post on this one!).
5. Wash, rinse, repeat.

The Ideal versus Practical Dilemma

I have a question to pose, that I will soon think through here, but I want to get the wheels turning for those of you out there who read these things. It is the following:

How does one harmonize the ideal (the desire) versus the practical (the reality)?

Huh?

Put another way, how do I make peace between the fantasies of my mind and the reality of life?

Transactional Analysis

I finished reading a book recently with a rather unusual title called, "Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?" by John Powell. This was the first book I read by this author and he has quickly moved into my favorite authors list. It is an incredible book filled with great insight. I want to share something that he discusses that is actually in reference to another book called Games People Play regarding transactional analysis.

Most (I say most instead of all) people have three "voices" inside of them (called "ego states"). These are: the Parent, the Child, and the Adult. These ego states are constantly speaking to one another and determining how one feels and what one does. The Parent is the voice of your parent(s) from childhood. The Child is the one in you that is your childhood, the one that is seeking direction, and isn't sure of what to do. The Adult is the grown up (one hopes) of the Child. So what's the big deal? It is this, and this is awesome to see:

When I make a decision, the voices of the Parent and Child can conflict. Let me give you an example. Let's say that I am uncomfortable going to an event I have been invited too. The Child is the one uncomfortable. He is at an uncertain and fearful place. The Parent voice might say, "Quit being a wimp and go. Stop being afraid. It is bad to be afraid." This is where the critical role of the Adult voice comes in. Does the Adult validate the feelings of the Child and step in to defend the Child, or does the Adult simply step aside and let the Adult voice berate the Child for his feelings? In essense, do I speak up in my own defense!?!

This does not mean that I go with the wishes of the Child. I may mean that I speak to the voice of the Parent, invalidate that voice, and then gently speak to the Child voice and reassure him that it will be ok. It is the recognition that I am my own person, my own Adult now, and I can now create a new Parent voice -- the Adult voice -- in my own life that determines my path and listens to my feelings (the Child) as he gives feedback to my wants and needs.

I have found this concept incredibly helpful in the road my road to healing. When I come across situations where I am feeling lost and sense the voice of the Parent stepping in and being critical, I stop and step in with my Adult voice to shut the Parent up, and give the Child the ear and tenderness that he needs.

I haven't done the best job describing this process, so it may seems like "I hear voices". In truth, we do! What matters is not IF we hear voices, but what we do in response to those voices. Will I listen to the "voice of truth", as sung by Casting Crowns, the voice of Christ, the voice of the Adult who has chosen to follow Christ, or will I listen to the voice of condemnation, the voice of perhaps the Parent, or of Satan?

What voice do you listen too?

A lesson in weight

Last week I was watching Father of the Bride II with a friend. In this movie, both the man’s wife and daughter are pregnant. There was a passing comment made by Steve Martin in the movie about the weight of these two women being around 130 pounds when they were over 8 months pregnant.

Let me just say (in complete agreement with my friend who also said it was absurd) that such a number is completely ridiculous. Consider these facts:

• Diane Keaton is 5 feet, 8 inches. (average normal weight is 126-150 pounds)
• Kimberly Williams is 5 feet, 6 inches. (average normal weight is 120-144 pounds)
• The average weight gain of a woman during pregnancy is around 24-35 pounds

At a bare minimum, the estimate given by the movie was at least 20% too low. Why do I nitpick as such a comment? It is this: be careful what you believe from watching a TV show or movie. In fact, it never hurts to verify anything you hear. What I quoted above was only five minutes of research on the web. And you are welcome to check my figures.

Ultimately, what I wonder is how many people accept such a figure as either true or partially true, and in doing so, contribute to their own personal guilt over weight or something else in their life. The images and figures we see on TV are just that – images. They are covered in makeup and made to appear much better than they are. It is unrealistic to compare oneself in any way to any TV or movie personality. In this example, the figure is a complete distortion of reality and adds nothing to its viewers except a completely unrealistic standard no one can or should attain.

Ephesians 4

Sunday we studied Ephesians 4:1-16 at The Point. As I was walking through the mall the day before, I had a little window of the soul into the passage, specifically verse 14. Before I describe it, let me begin with part of the passage:

Walk…with all humility and gentleness… preserving the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace…to each of us grace was given….for the equipping of the saints…until we attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God. (paraphrase of 4:1-13) As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves, and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming… (4:14)

Paul's emphasis here is that as the body of Christ, we are to reflect the character and person of God by being united. The Trinity exists in perfect unity and harmony, and what Paul requests is ultimately for us to follow the example God that is. He specifically notes we are to be united, calls attention to the various ways we can contribute to Christ's body through the gifts He gives each of us, and brings the thought to its conclusion which is Christian maturity that leads to a deeper knowledge of Jesus Christ (4:13).

Now for my window: At the mall, a company had set up a projector in the roof that beamed down images of cell phones onto a large white mat on the mall floor. Children were playing on this mat, and were chasing the images of the cell phones that moved around. The phones were quite colorful and intended for the younger audience, and the children were having a great time. The initial thought that came to mind as I passed by was: "that is cute." And it is. I reached for my cell phone to check the time and the window opened:

The children are chasing images of cell phones while I have the real thing.

Isn't this what Paul is encouraging us to do in this passage? What he wants us to remember is that we know the real God – what is the point in spending time chasing "every wind of doctrine"? Does this add to the unity of the body, the fellowship of the Spirit, the love of others? Do these winds "blow" me towards knowing the real, risen Lord, or distract me from Him? What matters is knowing Christ. What is of utmost importance is the Person of Jesus, not the doctrine of Christ.

Please do not think I am suggesting that all doctrine is unimportant. What I am suggesting is: how does this, whatever "this" is, help me know the Man, the Person, the God, Jesus Christ? And if it does not, it is worth considering what direction the wind is blowing.

God

There is a phrase or phrases that I hear used to describe God that I want to comment on. It is something I found I do frequently and is a common misunderstanding or even mispronunciation of Who God is. Let me give you some examples:

• God can’t lie.
• God must be holy in order to be God.
• God can’t stand sin.

What concerns me about the above statements is the limitations we are placing on God by saying such things. And we wonder why God sometimes seems so weak to us – if we describe Him using words such as “can’t”, “must”, and “has to”, we are projecting the same human limitations on Him that we live under.

Let me suggest another statement that God made of Himself that is a more appropriate description: I AM WHO I AM. God is. Let me use the first statement above as an example of what I think is really true when one considers the truth that God is.

Is it true to say that God cannot lie or that whatever God says is true? Isn’t that the same thing? I don’t think so. The former places a limitation on God that suggests that He can’t lie; the latter says that whatever comes out of the mouth of God is true. Do you see the difference? If tomorrow God says, “2 + 2 = 5”, the universe would immediately conform to be true to that statement. What I am saying here is not that God is bound by truth, but God is truth.

It seems like I am playing with words here, but there is something I have learned in therapy. What we say and how we say it ends up impacting us subconsciously. If I say things about God verbally that appear to limit Him, I may find that I feel He is a more limited God to me.

My encouragement to you this week is to reflect on the truth of God being Himself, unbound by anything, but One Who is completely I AM.

Satan and Healing

It has been a few months since I have written any thoughts on pain, forgiveness, and healing. I want to focus this post on an enemy of the latter two—Satan.

The men’s group is reading Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis and I have been continuing my reading of The Sacred Romance by Curtis/Eldredge. What was impressed very strongly to me in reading Sacred Romance is the vulnerability of people to Satan. It is fair to say that we believe that Satan hates God. But what can he do with his hatred? God is all-powerful – can Satan successfully attack God directly? Not really. But he can attack God a different way—by attacking the people God loves. The intense hatred that Satan feels for people is his burning hatred for God Himself. Milton, in Paradise Lost, says (quoted in Sacred Romance):

Heav’n, whose high walls fear no assault or siege
Or ambush from the Deep. What if we find some easier enterprise?...
There is a place…
Of some new Race call’d Man, about this time…
In his [God’s] own strength, this place may be expos’d…
By sudden onset, either with Hell fire
To waste his whole Creation, or possess
All as our own, and drive as we were driven
The puny inhabitants, or if not drive
Seduce them to our Party, that their God
May prove their foe, and with repenting hand
Abolish his own works.

I will admit that I am a bit unhappy with being put in the middle of God and Satan’s “disagreement” (to put it lightly). Part of me wants to be a little irritated – really now, can we just all get along? A bit of wishful thinking on my part. It isn’t this way, and wishing it won’t change anything.

How does this relate to healing? Satan does not want you healed. He will do everything in his power to keep you from forgiveness and healing. Because the existence of such in the life of an individual will draw that person closer to the heart of God, and will open wide the gates of ministry towards others. As long as I am covered by anger, bitterness, hatred, and malice toward others, I am blind to my own sin and pain, the pain of others, and to the graciousness of God. A broken back prevents me from looking up… to Him.

What I want to emphasize here is that there is an enemy who does not want your healing. And one of his favorite methods of working is invisibly, so we do not suspect it is he blocking our path. James says to “stand firm and resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (4:7b). This resistance is preceded by our submission to God in humility (see verses 6 and 7a). How interesting that when we stop resisting God and humble ourselves towards Him in obedience, we then have the strength from Him to stand firm and resist. Healing then, depends on the submission of my will to God, and my understanding that there is an enemy that I can only resist in my Father’s strength.

"But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (James 4:6-7)

Innocence

It is amazing to me how music brings to mind memories of the past, some pleasant and perhaps some not. I am sitting here listening to John Michael Talbot and am drawn back to the early days of my childhood. These are happy memories his songs evoke, memories of sitting in my daddy’s lap, rocking to sleep, feeling the warmth and safety of his arms. It reminds me of a time when I was innocent.

What a beautiful thing innocence is. I remember the time where clothing, money, jobs, bills, safety, food, and the myriad of things that now are a part of my life did not even cross my mind. While innocence and immaturity can (but does not always) go hand in hand, there is great delight in the memory of such times.

Why is a picture or memory of such a time a thing of delight or beauty? Maybe it is because at one time, we were created for such living. Milton refers to it as Paradise Lost—it was Innocence Lost. Was that not Satan’s temptation to Adam and Eve? Knowing good and evil? As opposed to just knowing… God… the source of all goodness? Satan mocked innocence, and in our rejection of God, it was lost. And two thousand years later, innocence returned in order to purchase it—redeem it—for us once again.

How many things do we find beautiful that can be described as innocent, pure, undefiled, pristine, untouched, clean, or spotless? Is it not the heart’s cry for what it was originally created for? Somewhere deep within, we have a knowledge of and desire for what we lost. It seems rather odd that such a desire would even exist unless there was (at least at one time) a fulfillment of it.

The church is pictured as being dressed in white as the bride of Christ. Revelation says we are washed clean in the blood of the Lamb (7:14). Our innocence will be restored! What we long for, what we desire, will one day be given to us once again. And our response then? “Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.” (Rev. 19:7) What can our response now to this hope be? “So then dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless, and at peace with him.” (1 Pet. 3:14)

A final random note: even when innocence is restored, it is in slightly different form than it was before. Before, “they were naked and unashamed”; after, “wearing white robes”.

The Bachelor/Bachelorette Party

I am not at a place in my life where this is a concern of mine, but I have had some thoughts regarding this event that I want to share. The primary point here is to think through some of the appropriateness of certain things occurring at such a party.

There seems to be a common attitude among many singles that the bachelor/bachelorette party is one last hurrah of the single life experience before marriage begins. While the idea of living a single life to its fullest is one I entirely support, I think certain activities at this particular hurrah can be inappropriate. It is my opinion that when you decide to be in a committed relationship with someone, and especially the day you agree to marry someone, it is not appropriate to look back. If you have doubts or wish to dabble once again in single life, you are not at a place where you need to be married. A verse comes to mind that Christ shared in reference to committing to His kingdom:

No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God. (Luke 9:62).

I would suggest that the same applies to marriage. If you are at a place in your life where you feel the need to have a party and “live it up” one last time (in ways disrespectful to a committed relationship), you aren’t ready to begin married life. Once you make that decision to marry, go forward. Sure, go into it with your eyes wide open (or at least half open), but do so fully committed to your beloved with the spirit of respect and love that the commitment between the two of you entails.

I am not suggesting not to have a party. What I am suggesting is to do things at the party that are appropriate for committed life. You arent single any more - those days ended when you agreed to be exclusive with the person, and they certainly ended when you agreed to marriage. Let me suggest a few questions that determine the appropriateness of activity at such a party:

1) Would you do such activity if Christ were there? (since He is)
2) Would you do such activity if your fiancée were there?
3) Would you do such activity and be able to look your fiancée in the eye and tell them exactly what you did?
4) Is such activity respectful both to the wishes of Christ and to the love and respect that you share with your fiancée?

If you can answer a resounding Yes to all four of the questions above, then such activity is appropriate.

No one who puts his/her hand to [a committed relationship] and looks back is [ready] for [the institution of marriage].

What is love?

Love is patient
[The Lord] is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)

Love is kind
God's kindness leads you toward repentance (Romans 2:4)

love does not brag and is not arrogant
And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross! (Phil 2:8)

It is not rude
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matt. 19:14)

it is not self-seeking
[Christ], being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing (Phil 2:6-7)

is not easily angered
The LORD is compassionate and gracious, Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness. (Ps 103:8)

it keeps no record of wrongs
As far as the east is from the west, So far has He removed our transgressions from us. (Ps 103:12)

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life (John 14:6)

It always protects,
How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! And the children of men take refuge in the shadow of Your wings. (Ps. 36:7)

Always trusts,
How blessed is the man who has made the LORD his trust (Ps. 40:4)

Always hopes,
In his name the nations will put their hope. (Matt. 12:21)

Always endures.
Even they will perish, but You endure (Ps 102.26)

Love never fails
My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge; My savior, You save me from violence. (2 Sam 22:3)

Who is love?
God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. (1 John 4:16)

Myspace Ads

You can block some of the myspace ads sites by modifying the hosts file located at: C:\windows\system32\drivers\etc

Add the following entries to the file:

127.0.0.1 lads.myspace.com
127.0.0.1 de.mspaceads.com
127.0.0.1 llnwd.net
127.0.0.1 creative.myspace.com
127.0.0.1 delb.myspace.com
127.0.0.1 01.presence.userplane.com
127.0.0.1 delb.myspace.com
127.0.0.1 geo.precisionclick.com
127.0.0.1 cdn2.precisionclick.com
127.0.0.1 creative.myspace.com

I will try to keep this list current as I discover more...

Les Mis

One of the greatest stories ever told is one by Victor Hugo called Les Miserables. I had the joy of seeing the musical a week ago with several of my closest friends. It was an amazing experience and one that has been a window of the soul into the heart of grace. I want to share a scene in the musical that spoke to me. I am assuming here that you are familiar with the story – if not, there is a movie version that is almost as good.

Javert is an inspector who has spent his life following the Law to its letter. And he has spent it hunting down Valjean, a criminal who had his life “bought” who now seeks to do good. But Javert, one bound to the Law and its letter, has no understanding of change. Once a criminal, always a criminal. And from his point of view, Valjean deserves prison for life. For years Javert hunts him, coming close several times, but never capturing him, until one day the tables are turned. It is Valjean who decides Javert’s fate, and in a moment of grace, Valjean releases Javert. Javert is furious:

Who is this man?
What sort of devil is he
To have me caught in a trap
And chose to let me go free?
It was his hour at last
To put a seal on my fate
Wipe out the past
And wash me clean off the slate!
All it would take was a flick of his knife.
Vengeance was his and he gave me back my life!
Damned if I'll live in the debt of thief
Damned if I'll yield at the end of the chase
I am the law and the law is not mocked
I'll spit his pity right back in his face
There is nothing on Earth that we share
It is either Valjean or Javert!

How can I now allow this man
To hold dominion over me?
This desperate man that I have hunted
He gave me my life. He gave me freedom.
I should have perished by his hand
It was his right
It was my right to die as well
Instead I live.. but live in hell
And my thoughts fly apart
Can this man be believed?
Shall his sins be forgiven?
Shall his crimes be reprieved?
And must I now begin to doubt
Who never doubted all these years?
My heart is stone and still it trembles
The world I have known is lost in shadow
Is he from heaven or from hell?

And does he know
That granting me my life today
This man has killed me, even so?
I am reaching but I fall
And the stars are black and cold
As I stare into the void
Of a world that cannot hold
I'll escape now from that world
From the world of Jean Valjean
There is nowhere I can turn
There is no way to go on

And so Javert casts himself into the river and drowns himself.

I am drawn back to a scene earlier in the play where Valjean is arrested for stealing from a priest who has lodged him for the night. The priest not only saves him from certain prison again, but gives him even more silver to get him started in his life. Valjean is shocked, and his reaction is worth noting as well:

What have I done?
Sweet Jesus, what have I done?
Become a thief in the night,
Become a dog on the run
And have I fallen so far,
And is the hour so late
That nothing remains but the cry of my hate,
The cries in the dark that nobody hears,
Here where I stand at the turning of the years?

If there's another way to go
I missed it twenty long years ago
My life was a war that could never be won
They gave me a number and murdered Valjean
When they chained me and left me for dead
Just for stealing a mouthful of bread

Yet why did I allow that man
To touch my soul and teach me love?
He treated me like any other
He gave me his trust
He called me brother
My life he claims for God above
Can such things be?
For I had come to hate the world
This world that always hated me

Take an eye for an eye!
Turn your heart into stone!
This is all I have lived for!
This is all I have known!

One word from him and I'd be back
Beneath the lash, upon the rack
Instead he offers me my freedom
I feel my shame inside me like a knife
He told me that I have a soul,
How does he know?
What spirit comes to move my life?
Is there another way to go?

I am reaching, but I fall
And the night is closing in
And I stare into the void
To the whirlpool of my sin
I'll escape now from the world
From the world of Jean Valjean
Jean Valjean is nothing now
Another story must begin!

And Valjean leaves a changed man, one bought for God.

What do you see here? How poor words are in describing the scene! Both men escape from this world of Jean Valjean, but in different ways. In the later scene described here first, one escapes through death – physical death. In the earlier scene listed here second, one escapes through death – spiritual death.

What I would like you to see here is that escape from the Law is only possible through death. What does Scripture say?

For through the law I died to the law so that I might live for God. I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. (Gal. 2:19, 20a)

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life… because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. (Rom 6:4, 7)

So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ (Rom 7:4)

Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules (Col 2:20)

Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with him, we will also live with him (2 Tim. 2:11)

Christ’s death not only paid the price for our sins and enabled us to have a relationship with God by faith, but it gave us the example to follow: we die in Christ to sin and to the Law that we might live to God. The Javert character is correct in that there is no escape without death. The problem was the mechanism by which he carried it out. What he did not see was that it was a different kind of death, a death to the self, a death to the vision, the belief that he could actually fully abide by the law. Do you see it? The death that we die in Christ is one where we give up, where we release this idea that we can actually be “good enough” to merit the favor of God, and instead cast our eternal destiny on His grace.

I find I am more like the Javert character than I am Valjean. What a struggle it is to daily die to myself and trust fully in His grace. What an strange way to live—by dying—to me. I hope that you and I can remain open like Valjean – in the light of His grace, we stand in undeserving gratitude, and die to ourselves, forever changed people.

Da Vince Code

The Da Vince Code movie is coming out in a couple of weeks and I suspect it will rekindle the fires of the controversy that surrounded the book. The response to the book has been interesting to me, but I see it as a good thing, rather than bad. It was the first book I had read by Dan Brown, and after reading it, I read all of his other ones. Well written novels, I might add.

It does interest me that a fiction book is taken so seriously, but then again, it only ignites a century old controversy surrounding Christ's married status. What I think is so positive about this though is that people who aren't normally interested in talking about Christ at all suddenly are interested. While the reason for the discussion may be founded on fiction, it is still a wonderful thing that people ask questions.

There is one thing that concerns me though, and that has been the some of the Christian response. In a discussion last night, a question was asked -- was Christ married? The response I heard was -- no, he wasn't, because the Bible doesn't say He was, and since it isn't in the Bible, it isn't true. This is making at least two rather large assumptions: the Bible covers all truth (incorrect) and that the Bible will contain everything that society consider important or relevant (also incorrect).

John at the end of his gospel suggests that all the books in the world could not contain the words and actions of Christ -- how then can we suggest the Bible covers it all? Not to be crude here, but it never records that Christ used the bathroom, yet more than likely He did.

When did it become inappropriate to simply respond with - I don't know. The facts are: the Bible doesn't say He was or was not married. And is that really the critical question? May I suggest other questions that may be more relevant? Will a change in Christ's marital status change Who He is or what is known and is true about Him? Will the character of Christ change if He was married? Will my salvation change?

Let me close by saying that I don't think Christ was married. But I don't know for certain and am comfortable not having certainty. I am thankful for the opportunity to ask people in a non-threatening atmosphere about the movie and see where the Spirit leads. Perhaps over the next few weeks and months as the conversation ignites again, we can move forward without being defensive, but excited about the possibilities of getting to talk to others about a Savior we love.

God

I think that God is quite the romantic. When I say “romantic”, what do I mean? I was reflecting this morning on Who He is and how He communicates Himself to us and I want to throw something out to think on. Romance is ultimately about being known and loved. This is an obvious statement, but I want to go a further with it.

How does God communicate Himself to us? When we read the Old Testament, specifically the Law, we see lists of rules and principles to live by. Is this the primary thing that God is after? “Here is how you live.” “This is what you do.” I think not. As I have suggested before, I think the principles exist to reveal the Person. What God is ultimately after is not for us to follow a set of principles, but to love the Person—Him. What He desires is for us to look at those principles and understand Him. What does Jeremiah say, “Let him who boasts, boast in this, that he understands and knows me.” (9:24) Knowledge is the “what,” understanding is the “why”.

Let us go further. Why creation? Why did God create us to begin with? What was the purpose of it all? What does human love, in its imperfection, reveal to us? Love, in its nature, is not singular, it is plural. It requires, demands, another. And in its plurality, it grows and expands. Why do couples have children? Certainly we can suggest instinct as part of the reason, but I think there is a much deeper reason for this. There is a desire to share the love with more than just the two of them. Love in its nature is not only plural, but creative. Perhaps we can say that creation was an explosion of love between the Trinity. It was the ultimate “big bang”. I picture this in the words of God when He creates man—“Let us make man in Our image.” Feel the joy and love of God in this statement. I picture the Trinity, with a love we can only begin to imagine, being moved so deeply with one another, that creation happened. And it only grew in intensity—we move from water to fish to birds to land animals to man. Love grows in its creativity of expression.

What is something we can learn about His creation of man and woman? Notice the different ways we communicate, not only between the genders, but even in the ways we chose to communicate to others. Sometimes we are very verbal and explicit about what we want; other times we want the other person to take what is known about us and “figure it out.” Don’t we see this in how God communicates Himself to us? In some passages we find that he is very straight-forward; in others we are left to delve deeper in His character. What He wants is the same thing that He is—for us to plumb the depths of Who He is and know Him. The Psalmist writes about God’s knowledge of us—and in His heart, He wants us to know Him too.

I have suggested above that romance is about being known. What do I mean by this? Romance is romantic because the individual takes what is known about the beloved and takes action based on this understanding. The things that speak to the heart in the deepest of ways speak to it in one way because we identify with those things—it is who we are. While there is much more to romance than being known and loved, I think a big part of it is being known—because that speaks to the heart.

I do not think Christianity is about going to heaven, avoiding hell, or even getting “right” with God. It is God’s way of restoring the original design of creation. God’s purpose in creating us was love (Eph. 1), and the end and goal of Christianity is the Person. He wants you to know and love Him.

Yes, I think God is quite the romantic.

The Inner Desire

How do we deal with disappointment and loss? What do we do when we lose something we want? What actions, attitudes, and things do we tell ourselves when we experience those disappointments, losses, and desires that seemingly remained unfulfilled and unmet?

What I want to attempt to illustrate here is something that I believe may be helpful in dealing with future disappointment with desires. It is something I stumbled across while journaling one morning regarding my own desires.

God tells us in the Psalms that when we delight in Him, He will grant us the desires of our heart. Many of the desires are part of His imprint. While our sin nature taints and distorts the desires, the root or core of it is still good—because it is placed within us by One Who is good.

I find that the distinction I fail to make when it comes to desires is the separation of the concrete from the core desire. What do I mean by this? Let me use an example that I think almost everyone is familiar with—the experience of dating and breaking up.

What is the core or root desire in dating? It is (by God’s design) to share one’s life with another (and there are even deeper desires under this, but I want to leave that for a future post). What I think happens as dating relationships begin and progress is that the core desire is transposed into the desire to be with the individual. The abstract desire finds a concrete manifestation with a person. The desire moves from “I want to share my life with someone” to “I want to be with person X.” I see no issue with this happening—I think it is both normal and good.

However, what happens in a break up? Here is where I think the danger lies. It is easy to feel that the desire is lost and will never happen. What is known and true is that the desire to be with person X will not happen. But let us make the careful separation of that desire and what is really underneath—the “inner desire”—to be with someone. We have confused the core desire with its present instance. And when that instance is lost, we confuse the losing of that instance to the loss of the core. In no way is this true.

As we progress through the process of healing and mourning losses, I think it valuable to separate the real from the possible. When the possible does not happen (in our example, being with person X), it does not mean that the real will not happen (being with someone). And choosing to believe that will not be easy.

A core desire (loses its separation from) >> the “implementation” of a desire (and when we lose the “implementation”) >> we feel the core desire is lost. (this is not true)

A core desire (is good, and because of sin) >> we will gain and lose “satisfactions” of it (but) >> the core desire is good and still remains (and will be fulfilled).

I hope that I have communicated this in a manner that is understandable. I cannot underscore its importance (in my opinion) to how we work through losses.

Testimony (at the Point on 03/05/2006)

In the movie, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Indiana has finally found what he has been looking for all his life. It is a defining moment – not only for him, but for his father, who has been looking for it as well. In an attempt to carry the cup of Christ outside of its resting place, an earthquake results and the cup appears to be perilously close to being lost forever. After one of the members of the team is lost in an attempt to recover the cup, Indiana tries to reach for it while hanging from one arm tightly gripped by his father. But with only one hand, the grip is loose and his father cannot keep his hold. As Indiana strains for the cup, the very thing that represents a lifetime of desire and searching for him, his father speaks words that I hope will speak in your heart. “Indiana… Indiana, let it go.” And in that moment, what really matters was discovered.

What Indiana sees and understands is that his search for the cup is not really for the cup, but for his father. And in that moment, when his father (one who has also been searching for it most of his life) tells him to let it go, Indiana realizes that he has gained the person that mattered the most – the one who has fueled his search for the cup – his dad. And he releases the cup of Christ and rides off with his father. A new chapter opens in his life by closing the previous one.

The Father has taken me on a journey this last year where He has asked me to let go of many things.

• He has asked me to let go of my fear, not only of things I have not done, but of Him
• He has asked me to let go of my sense of safety and cautiousness – wanting to be certain about things before acting
• He has asked me to let go of my earthly father and my expectations of what I had hoped would be a great relationship and friendship with him.
• He has asked me to let go of my concept of Who the Father is; those concepts based on my earthly father.
• He has asked me to let go of some of the worldly things that kept me from having a relationship with Him.
• He has asked me to let go of my selfish desire to be alone and in solitude, and reach out to others.
• He has asked me to forgive and let go of the hurt that kept me bitter against Him.

I want to share with you two of these that were and in some cases still are important. The first is the loss of a relationship with my earthly father.

Due to circumstances too long to get into, I have had to separate myself from my dad. In doing so, I never went through the process of allowing myself to mourn that loss. I moved on and closed my heart down – trying to cover the wound and the desire that existed. And so it sat for over four years festering.

Last year at this time I went through some challenging times that brought me to the Point (and this Sunday represents my one year anniversary of attending here). God was so gracious to place people in my life that pursued me and saw something underneath my pain and disgust for God. At the time I was bitter against Him – but I understand now my bitterness with Him was because of my earthly dad. In February of last year, I wrote the following on the message board:
“It just goes to show that Christianity is yet another religion that illustrates the concept of the blind leading the blind. As someone who is outside the church looking in, the outright weakness of belief that has been illustrated in this discussion is yet another good reason for my decision to walk away from it several years ago. Why should I waste another minute of my time attempting to defend a book that there isn’t even consistent agreement in this forum, much less the church at large?.... I realized that I could not give Him all of me, and rather than walk the fence of a partial belief, it was better for me to leave it behind. Perhaps if you can’t be hot, it is time to stop being lukewarm, and start being cold. That at least is something God can work with.”

Yet Kara, John Thompson, Anthony, Kekoa, and many others reached out to me when my life began to change and God called me back to Him. What I have discovered through counseling this last year is the wounds I have tried to cover and make unimportant, and how they have affected me.

But the most important thing that the Father slowly tearing out of me is how I see Him. How careful we must be as men, and women, who are to be parents – as our role in the life of our children will provide them the first glimpse of Who God is. And my desire is that my children would hear their heavenly Father’s voice and run into His arms because of their experience with me.

And so He has worked on me, breaking the misconceptions and incorrect views I have had of Him. I saw him as mean, cruel, cold-hearted, black and white, strict, and someone I did not want to be around. After all, I had made the decision that my dad was not one I wanted to be with any more, and if God was anything like Him, then God was not on my ‘favorite person list’ either.

As I have learned to let go and leave some of my baggage behind, and work through the process of healing, many things have been helpful along the way. George MacDonald has been especially helpful to me in his book, The Curate’s Awakening, when he says:

“How do I know there is a God at all? And how am I to know that such a man as Jesus ever lived? I could answer neither. But in the meantime I was reading a story – was drawn to a Man, and was trying to understand His being, and character, and principles of his life and action. To sum it all up, not many months had passed before I had forgotten to seek the answer to either question: they were in fact no longer questions. I had seen the man Jesus Christ, and in him had known the Father of him and of me.

My dear sir, no conviction can be got – or if it could be got, would be of any lasting value – through that dealer of secondhand goods, the intellect. If by it we could prove there is a God, it would be of small avail indeed. We must see him and know him. And I know no other way of knowing there is a God but that which reveals what he is – and that way is Jesus Christ and he is revealed on earth…..

Your business… is to acquaint yourself with the man Jesus: he will be to you the one to reveal the Father. Take your New Testament as if you had never seen it before, and read to find out. The point is, there was a man who said he knew God and that if you would give heed to him, you should know him too.” (p.54)

And so I am in the process of walking through the gospels in search of Christ, reading, as Van Gogh read, searching for the man who wrote it. And through that, the process of letting go has moved deeper into my life.

Logically, letting go makes sense. But this letting go is something that occurs in the heart, not the head. How challenging it is to merge the mind with the heart. The mind can help though, and here are a few things that have helped me to let go of my ‘cup’.

It is difficult to let go because what is known seems safer than what is unknown. Healing brings new risks – a heart that is healed is one that can and will be hurt again. In our attempts to protect ourselves from being hurt, we leave pain in our lives to cripple the heart – the wellspring of our lives.

When I let go, I am not saying what I am letting go of did not matter or is unimportant. If anything, the first step in letting go is to admit the importance of the person or thing I am losing. In my case, I admit that a relationship with my dad was important to me, and hurts me that it cannot be at this time.

When I let go, I search for the desire under the desire – what is it really that pains me and what is it that really matters? In what ways have I been created with this longing and is there a legitimate way to satisfy this desire? Am I seeking to satisfy this desire through other means than that which is best for me? What am I after here – ultimately, a relationship with the Father.

When I let go, I admit and feel the pain and loss of the person, concept, or thing I am losing. I fully acknowledge the hurt and the loss. I feel, I cry, I weep; I enter into a time where the wound is rinsed and the Father can come in and clean my heart. I let Him in, I invite him to those corners of my life, and allow him to scrub them clean – removing the scar tissue (however painful) as He cleanses me and works in me the healing process.

When I let go, I usually do so over time – it is not an immediate process – and it is one that may be a daily surrender. Part of loving myself (knowing that love is patient) is giving myself the time to heal and grow. I find frequently I want to rush and be done – just quit hurting already. But it is important for me to keep in mind that it took time for me to be wounded, and it will take time for that wound to heal.

The time required can also depend on how long I have allowed the wound to go untouched and untreated. One of the mistakes I have made in my own wounds has been to attempt to ignore or dismiss them. All this did was create a false sense of healing and the limb which was lame never healed. Time does not heal all wounds; in fact, it can make them grow much worse.

When I let go, I am acknowledging the reality of life, the certainty of pain I will experience, and the willingness to risk again. There are not many things in life that are certain – we know about death and taxes – and we can add to that list pain.

When I let go, I find on the other side that what I was holding onto so tightly was not so important, and that what I gain is so much more. Of course a relationship with my dad was and is important, but I have gained a relationship with Abba, the perfect Father. And my Father is perfect and tender and good – all that I wanted and longed for in a Father. How many times have I missed the good things God wants to give to me because I have stubbornly or fearfully kept holding on to the things I thought I had to have?

MacDonald gave me a beautiful image of the Father when he says, “In my own childhood and boyhood my father was the refuge from all the ills of life, even sharp pain itself. Therefore, I say to son or daughter who has no pleasure in the name Father, ‘You must interpret the word by all that you have missed in life. All that human tenderness can give or desire in the nearness and readiness of love, all and infinitely more must be true of the perfect Father – of the maker of Fatherhood.”

When I let go, I am being conformed to the image of Christ, just as He emptied Himself of everything for me. I learn to be like Him in remembering what is important – what was the most important thing from His point of view was the restoration of a relationship with us. God desires within the deepest parts of Who He is for us to be healed, free, and whole (because that is Who He is). Let go of the broken joint and allow the doctor to set it. Allow the potter to shape the clay, removing the roughness and edges that only serve to detract from the beauty he is planning to make you into.

What have I lost? I have lost (in this process of letting go) a picture of God that I think is incorrect, and more to the point, brutal. But oh what I have gained. It is a joy indescribable to wake up in the morning and reflect on the love and tenderness of the Father. It is amazing to know in the depths of my heart that He not only cares, but rejoices in my successes, and is right there with me in my weaknesses. His power is perfected in weakness.

What is it in your life that Christ may be asking you to let go of? Tonight I have shared with you some things I am leaving behind, and I can look back this last year and see the fruits of letting go. There is still much to be done, but it is worth it – and I look forward to growing to know my heavenly Father.

I want to leave you with a movie that I have shared with some, with Robin Williams called Patch Adams. In the movie he surrounds and envelopes with kindness a girl he is interested in by the name Carin. In the movie, we find that she has been abused – and in a poignant moment, a window in her soul is opened. “I hated men so much… and then I met you.” What baggage do you carry, in the form of people, things, or past experiences that shape you into hating or keeping you from drawing closer to His presence and the freedom He wants for you? Paul says it was for freedom that Christ set us free – and He wants your freedom – it cost Him his life to purchase it.

In my life, with the experiences with my dad, I can say.. I hated the God of my father, until I met the Abba of Christ. He has changed my heart, and He can change yours. Indiana, let it go.

Change

Last night in the men’s group we discussed prayer and if it changes the heart of God. Can prayer change the mind of God? Change is not a word I tend to associate with Him, but when I reflected on it last night, I came to the conclusion that He can change. And after meditating on it this morning, I want to clarify some of my thoughts surrounding God and change.

For me, it seems the confusion lies with the word “change”. Google defines change as to “become different in essence; losing one's or its original nature.” What I would like to draw from this definition is this: the concept of change is a human idea. By the definition listed, God does not change. I want to also note something that I think is important.

Many times we apply the word “can’t” to God. Perhaps we say “God cannot lie.” There is another way of looking at it – whatever God says is truth. It is not that God can’t, is that whatever He does is. If God says tomorrow that 2 + 2 = 5, then the universe would reflect that truth.

Let’s go back to prayer and change. I am suggested here that the human definition of change does not apply to God. God acts consistent with His character. That is what He means when He says that He does not change. Let me be careful here in this definition. What I mean is that the actions that God takes are in perfect conformity with His attributes. His actions are holy, righteous, just, loving, merciful, and truthful.

Let me go one more step here. When God says He does not change, it does not mean that His mind is made up on every situation and circumstance. When He chooses to save some people and send others to hell, both actions are consistent with Who He is. This is not change. It is not “different in essence.” He does not lose his “original nature.” We are made in His image, and make choices, many that are ‘consistent’ (in a frail human way) with who we are (or think we are). Imagine the infinite possibilities with God.

Prayer not only brings us closer to God (the primary purpose), but serves to make requests of a loving Father, who gives generously and without reproach (James 1). And in those requests, God chooses to answer or not answer as He sees fit, in perfect conformity with His character. Recall the parable of the persistent woman who came before the judge in Luke 18:1-8.

Does God change? By human definition, no. But can my prayers touch His heart and move Him to act in different ways? Yes.

Questions

Our table group discussion last night was challenging. It is difficult and yet good to be sharpened and honed by fellow believers. The points discussed were hard, but brought good questions, many that I’m not sure there is an answer too. I want to reflect on some of those questions, though they will not be answered here.

How am I to be a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ, believing in what He says, and standing for His truth while loving others, even those that disagree with or hate Him? How can I exhibit the attributes of grace to other people and be with them in their circumstances while remaining obedient to Christ’s character? How can I love Him, passionately and whole-heartedly, and continue to love my unbelieving neighbor as myself?

Here is the direction these questions take me. In my reading of the gospels this last year, I have seen Christ’s deep and abiding love for people. This kind of love is difficult to grasp – I can begin to see its edges, but knowing the height, depth, width, and breadth is beyond my comprehension. As Gire states: you can love completely without complete understanding. I can also be (and am) loved completely without knowing why or how. And in the same way that I know Christ loves me, given my knowledge of myself, so He loves others. How many times have I thought – if He really knew me, He would walk away? The truth is that He does know me – and that is both wonderful and frightening. It is a fearful thing to fall into His hands. It touches on King Kong – one might be afraid of him (and for very good reason). But Ann surrenders to his touch. It is hard to describe the magic of the moment when time stood still as Ann approached him in New York and a giant, angry beast grew soft and tender. His gaze changed and happiness settled in. There was peace. It is in trust that when I fall into His hands, and fallen I have and am, that I remember His deep love for me. He is crazy over me. Kong tore apart a city in search for Ann; God took off His glory, became a man like me, and died, in His pursuit of me. When I am in His hands, there is peace and security, safety and contentment. But for one who does not know Him, the hand of God is fearful – just as the hand of Kong was to those in New York. For the one he loved, the hand was all that tenderness and love holds.

How does this apply to the table discussion last night? As I grow to know and love God, I think my heart will grow to love the people He loves. That is one of the interesting things about love – the desires and passions of the beloved become shared joys for the one loving. Because what often becomes more important than what is done is that it is done together. In many cases, the happiness experienced between two lovers is the presence of one another. The other thing about the passion of the beloved is that it reveals to you a deeper knowledge of him or her. My favorite question – why – is one that fits so well here. Why does this person or thing evoke such a deep sense of passion inside him or her? What does it tell me about my beloved? To bring it back to God, what does God’s deep passion for me and for people tell me about Him? And in taking those steps to know Him a little more, His passion for people, His love for others, and His heart for creation are planted and grown in my heart.

How do I relate this to others? By remembering that once, the hand of God was a frightening place for me. The roar of Kong is a scary sound to those who do not know Him, but to Ann, it is a call, a cry, a search, for her. Once I was against Him, but I did not really know Him. And am only beginning to know Him in a life-long relationship with Him.

How difficult a thing it is to see people reject or hate God. But, just as I once did not know Him, so too they do not know Him. They fight the very one they most need. How can I model His love for them, while abiding in Him? How can I obey Him while being a light to those who do not know Him? In Kong, we think – if they could only see how he loves Ann, they would not want to destroy him. How challenging to communicate what we know to those that don’t.

I know I created more questions than answers. But struggle with it, meditate on it, and pray over it. But most of all, enjoy the comfort of His loving hand.

Abba

I was reflecting last week on some things in my life that have been frustrating and stressful lately and a verse came to mind. “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.” (I wasn't sure where the verse was) It was a verse that reached down and touched me in the present place that I was at. Our table group discussion several weeks ago had a discussion on absolutes and whether God responded to the same situation the same way (does this define His absolute nature?). I do not want to get into this right now, but I do want to note here that I believe that God deals with us individually, personally, and appropriately in each event in our lives. For example, in the times I have struggled over the distance from my dad, each time has been different – different verses, different thoughts, and different revelations. He is the same God – but in the moment, the need is met exactly how it needs to be met.

One of my favorite passages by George MacDonald then came to mind as I was reflecting on the compassionate nature of the Father (since compassion is not a word I would associate with fatherhood). This one touches the deepest places within:

“In my own childhood and boyhood my father was the refuge from all the ills of life, even sharp pain itself. Therefore I say to a son or daughter who has no pleasure in the name Father, ‘You must interpret the word by all that you have missed in life. All that human tenderness can give or desire in the nearness and readiness of love, all and infinitely more must be true of the perfect Father – of the maker of fatherhood.’” (The Heart of George MacDonald)

From the earliest days of my childhood, I could and would tell you “Jesus is God.” And still will if you ask. But what does God as Father mean, Who is Abba? As I have been slowly reading through the gospels looking at the person of Christ, one remarkable thing has stuck out to me. How compassionate and tender Christ is! And Christ is the revelation of the Father.

And then this morning, as I was praying through Psalm 103, His hand was there. For what does verse 13 say, but: “As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.”

A dream

I have had three dreams that have been what I have referred to previously here as “windows of the soul” (a Ken Gire term). One of these was Friday night. It came on the same weekend that our group at the Point begins a study on Galatians.

In my dream I was in heaven, awaiting judgment. I watched as God went from person to person, some welcomed into His joy, and others falling through the floor to hell. I remember being terrified at the certainty that I would be one of those people. I had not done enough. There was no way out, nothing that I could do. All of my worst fears were upon me. Perhaps I could ask forgiveness once more.

Then He came to me. All I could do is weep in shame over what I had done. I knew this was it. “I’m so sorry for not doing enough. I should have done more.” I was so afraid of what would surely happen. I could only hang my head dreading the inevitable.

He stretched His hand out, touched my face, looked me in the eye and said, “I have already done everything. You do not have to do anything.” There are not words to describe the relief of that moment. It was as if the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. And yet at the same time, I realized that there really was nothing I could do. I am completely powerless. My eternal destination is in His hands. It is a sobering thought.