Sermon on the Mount

Oh no! The perfect law of God

That makes such strict demands

Reflect it does His character

His perfect, holy hands.

There is no way to satisfy

For me to make me right

To do a thousand good things but

Still sinful without light.

And when I read the words of Christ

In Sermon on the Mount

I’m even further than I think

More red in my account.

Be perfect as your Father is

Lust, hate are from the heart

You break his law when only you

Have thoughts, no action start.

You may have heard that it was said

Stay faithful to your mate.

But I say that you break your vow

When lust towards others make.

It’s also said that murder is

A thing you must not do.

But I say hate inside your head

The same as action too.

Be perfect as your Father is

For holy you must be

Approach Him not without clean hands

And heart that is washed clean.

I sit and cry, my God how do

I measure up to you?

How can a filthy man become

So pure and clean and new?

But God in mercy knew my state

In bondage and in sin

He knows there is no way for me

On own to enter in.

And thus He sent His only Son

To step into my place

Receive the condemnation that

Was due without His grace.

Jesus did pay all that was owed

God’s holy, righteous call

Because of Christ, I am made right

Not dead because of law.

And now I read the words of Christ

Through Him the standard meet

No longer do the words condemn,

In Him alive and freed.

Abide

This is based on the early verses of John 15.

Abide in me and I in you

Said the Lord Jesus Christ as He spoke the truth.

 

The love of the Father and love of the Son

Have finished the work, it is paid for and done

 

A branch cannot live unless through the vine

To produce the good fruit that is made into wine.

 

I’ll prune you and trim you says the Lord Jesus Christ

It will likely feel painful but it is worth the price.

 

Let my words deeply sink as nutrition for branch

Accept them and live them without any catch.

 

The pruning and shaping not punishment sake

But done out of love, more fruit will you make.

 

My desire is you to abide in my love

As I in the Father who lives up above.

 

Let my words and commands flow into your heart

Let them transform and change and provide a new start.

 

I am good and love you, I do what is best

I’m always vine dressing, I never will rest.

 

So find rest, oh soul in that I will provide,

As you live out my words and in me do abide.

Walking on Water

Last week in a couple of conversations, I used the story of Peter walking on the water to Christ to illustrate my tendency to spend a lot of time sinking when seeing the wind and the waves (fear/anxiety/doubt/sin) instead of focusing on Christ, believing what is true, and choosing to move forward instead of be stopped by the waves. I was expressing the difficulty I’ve had opening my heart due to feeling like I am constantly sinking or about to be overwhelmed and so I tend to just stay in the boat. Staying “safe” but not really living from the heart, which is rather passionless.

Barely a couple of days later, at church, we sang a song that speaks directly to this story and the lyrics have been going through my mind non-stop since Sunday morning. It was Christ reaching into my heart and speaking directly to those feelings and fears. The bridge (in italics) is especially powerful.

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) (Hillsong United)

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Goodbye, Fantasy

Goodbye to fantasy that please
And promises a life of ease
You make me think that’s it all fun
That I will never have to run.

You promise that love easy be
And any problems fix it me
You take a wish, a dream that’s true
And blow it up and make it huge.

You say that it will all feel good
And yet you steal and take what could
Be joy, life in reality
You rob of life and I’m not free.

The Pleasure Isle does promise all
It cries out loud, with tempting call
Pulling on wounds that lie so deep
And yet at end my soul does keep.

I’ve bought your lie that you can be
All that my heart did long to see
And yet at end all that I know
Despair, there is no place to go.

You say that just the corner round
Happiness is and will be found
But round the bend the lie does wait
And real is lost, what’s left is fake.

I needed someone as a friend
I opened up and let you in
You came to kill, steal and destroy
And thief you are against this boy.

Attractive was your promise to
Fulfillment give, it sounded true
Sign here on dotted line but don’t
Read fine print cause you’ll find it won’t.

You whisper soft with words so sweet
Come play, have fun, it will be neat
But at the end lies guilt and shame
You laugh and play again your game.

“You see the so-called coaster ride
It’s great, “ you say, to take you high
But you don’t say what’s at the end.
Destruction death, you’re not a friend.

When all is done at end of day
You leave and laugh, you’ve had your play
You leave behind an empty heart
Intention was to drain from start.

You poison everything you touch
For joy is lost in things so much
You take me up then throw me down
I toss and turn, am thrown around.

Your promises counterfeit claims
They take and steal and rob my name
My life of joy and freedom too
I’m left empty and feeling blue.

And when I try with all my might
To leave and get out of your sight
You yell and scream, “You’ll never leave
I own your soul, in traps I weave.”

I’ve given you so much my strength
In thirst to quench I drink and drink
Yet quench not does, nor satisfy
I’m left alone, in shame and lies.

I choose to turn my life away
And start anew, this brand new day
Embrace the real, walk in the true
Rejoice in that I am made new.

For Christ has set me free from sin,
It’s in his love that I can win
And live without the shame and lies
To see myself with brand new eyes.

The door is there, it’s time to leave
Take all your empty melodies
My heart though stays, not yours to take
As it in Christ has come awake.

Renounce do I no longer in
I will not trust and you’ll not win
Embrace will I the truth of life
The state of joy, but too the strife.

Renounce I do the lies believed
Go fantasy, you must now leave
In name of Christ, the Chosen One
Bought with a price and now his son.

I turn and view all that I’ve lost
Expensive is, oh what the cost
And yet, in Christ redeem He will
His promise that my heart to fill.

I mourn the loss of fantasy
I know that it can never be
I say goodbye to this old friend
Away you go, I’m on the mend.

Your lies no more believe will I
No more will I left out to dry
I want the source of life and joy
Not empty, false and deadly ploy.

The real, the true, the beautiful
Make my heart sing and with it full
To love with heart redeemed and new
Embracing all that’s real and true

My God in your forgiveness found
How long I’ve been to come around
And yet Father, tender and true
You love and cleanse and make me new.

Oh Christ may I walk in your love
Shown on the cross and by your blood
Your life you lived that I might be
Unchained, unlocked and truly free.

Oh praise the One who entered in
Not to destroy, but ransom sin
And sets me free to live the real
Embrace His life and fully feel.

My Jesus guard my heart today
Always with me each step of way
Keep searching and know well my heart
Be always there, at each new start.

Why Does God Delay

Why does God take so long to change me, especially when for months I’ve been crying out to Him, begging Him to change my heart, pleading with Him to touch and heal? I don’t understand the delay nor the purpose of it. So often, change happens all at once and then periods will go by where it seems like I’m just stuck in the mud, unable to move, paralyzed. I’ve been praying for a while now for a restored heart, as my emotions and heart have felt drained for quite a while now and I have had little feeling and emotion.

I think about my dog, Coco, a fun little beagle, who, like all hounds, cannot be trusted around food within her reach. From her perspective, it might seem mean to her that I don’t leave food within her reach, but I do so because I know if she overeats, she will get sick, and if it were to continue past a point, it would kill her. I withhold from her what she perceives as good because she is not capable of receiving the good responsibly. Perhaps this is one reason for God’s delay. Am I capable of receiving the gift of a restored heart right now? Am I responsible enough to have a whole heart and not foolishly damage it again, through sin or foolish choices?

I allow Coco out in front of the house without a leash, because she is somewhat trustworthy to not run off (although she does need to be checked on frequently). Through repeated training and working with her off the leash, she is able to be trusted some being off the leash. Likewise, God wants in me a particular kind of character, a character that is like Him. Perhaps some of the things I am praying for are things that require more character to both fully appreciate and respectfully treasure. Would I be given a new suit when I continually am found playing in the mud? Perhaps soap and a towel!

I don’t like waiting, but I can at least examine and work on the things that are hindering me from receiving a restored heart.