I am concerned that the House passed a bill that gives the FTC more power to punish gas companies for gas prices. What this does in effect is place price controls on the gas companies, which is almost always a bad idea. Price controls create shortages because naturally, if a company is limited to the amount it can charge, it will naturally (based on the free market) divert its supplies to the place with the highest price, and ignore the places with the lowest price. I highly recommend reading Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell for a better understanding.
http://finance.yahoo.com/expert/article/yourlife/34125
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Growth
I’ve been thinking about growth this morning and its difficulties and challenges. All of us have attributes about us that need growth – either to be eliminated, or changed. It could be pride, fear, procrastination, laziness, anger, drivenness, isolation, judgmental spirit, or a whole host of other things. Sadly, these come from the combination of our sin natures and our family backgrounds. All of our struggles are due to sin; some also are because of a wounded heart.
In my blog titled Excuses a few weeks ago, I listed some of my common excuses for avoiding growth in my life. One of the biggest excuses I have used and use at times is: I can’t do it. I want to look at this one in greater detail.
What is true about the “can’t” word in relation to a character deficiency? If I want to climb a mountain, I certainly can’t climb the entire thing immediately. Nor would it be wise for me to do so alone. I need a guide and I need to focus on what I can do. The guide will tell me what to do and where to go, and focusing on the immediate area (putting my foot here is another step up the mountain) will eventually allow me to get to the top of the mountain.
In my own life, I have used the word “can’t” to describe something that truly was unrealistic and impossible. I can’t be a man who is without fear. But that doesn’t mean I allow fear to remain in my life, or that God doesn’t want me to grow. What it means is that I am looking at the wrong thing. I am looking at the mountain instead of at my Guide. I am looking at the distance I need to go instead of at the step I need to take now. God did not ask Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac as his first act of faith – He developed a relationship with Abram and first brought him out of
I cannot underscore the importance of this in working on weaknesses in your life. If you “can’t”, it may be because you are trying to take too large of a step (trying to be perfect now), or you are trying to take a step in a wounded state. This is not the solution or an easy fix, but rather one way I have avoided growth.
Without a daily relationship with God, you will not grow. This is critical and the first step to any character growth. It is also the area the enemy will attack first. If you find that your relationship with God is not where it needs to be, take this step now! Do not delay, do not put it off any longer. You are trying to climb a mountain without a Guide, scale a rock wall without a harness, trying to cross the ocean without a boat or plane. We are told in Hebrews 12 that when we run the race, we do so with endurance and “fix our eyes on Jesus.”
Without the intimate friendships of other believers who are like-minded, you will not grow. The second change God made in my life was to place me in a group of people who loved Him and who came alongside me and supported me as I grew. You cannot grow alone. You cannot climb alone. And you aren’t expected too. God is relational, and He created us in His image as relational beings.
If there are emotional wounds in your life that are unhealed, you will have great difficulty growing. It is very important to address these if you know they exist in your life. We will have wounds and go through a process of healing all throughout our lives. But wounds from abuse, neglect, and absence of critical people in your early life (father/mother/family/friends) need to be investigated carefully and healed. This is usually done through therapy, and I highly recommend looking into it if you are aware of something in your life that needs to be addressed.
If you don’t grow in the situation you are in now, you will find God changes your situation so you will grow. I have seen this in my life and the lives of my friends. God’s goal for you is not to give you a job with comfort, or that you get married, or that you are successful, but rather that you are conformed to His image and His character. If this means being single, struggling in your job, or living with weakness, then He will put those in your life in order to grow you. I have had relationships fail because I refused to grow. I have had my life turned upside down because I refused to grow and God does not give up (praise His name!). Be careful that in your avoidance of growth you do not invite greater change that will emphasize your need for growth even more (which tends to make the new situation more unpleasant).
If you don’t start now, it will only get more difficult later. I have stated before that time does not heal all wounds and that time does not grow us out of our weaknesses. The saying “old habits die hard” is very true. The older the habit, the harder it is to kill. Imagine your character flaws as mounds of earth. Every day you are either taking the shovel and removing dirt from the mound (by placing it on God for His removal) or you are adding dirt to the mound. The mound is either getting bigger or smaller, based on the decisions you are making every day. C.S. Lewis said “That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger [pride, judgment, procrastination, laziness, fear, etc.] today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible.” (Mere Christianity)
I write the above more to myself than even to you, whoever you may be. These are things I have learned and continue to learn as I grow. How grateful I am that His grace is sufficient, that His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). My encouragement to you is start today. “Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as when they provoked me.” (Hebrews 3:15) “He who began a good work in your will be faithful to complete it.” (Phil. 1:6). And above all, the goal of growth is a deeper relationship with Christ.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Morality
I found the following article interesting:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/27/AR2007052701056.html
What the article suggests is that morality is part of the "base" or core part of our brain. I find this fascinating and it rings true with what Scripture says about our creation. Sin is a distortion of our design, not our intended design, so one would expect that evil is a perversion of the design and not part of the design itself.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/27/AR2007052701056.html
What the article suggests is that morality is part of the "base" or core part of our brain. I find this fascinating and it rings true with what Scripture says about our creation. Sin is a distortion of our design, not our intended design, so one would expect that evil is a perversion of the design and not part of the design itself.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
"That Girl"
Recently, the concept of “that girl” has crossed my radar and it has caused me to think about men’s expectations of women that women think/perceive men to have that causes a woman to judge herself based on those perceived expectations. What I mean by “that girl” is the “cool” girl that lets her man be free to do what he wants. I want to suggest some thoughts on this concept.
First, some of what men expect simply isn’t realistic. If a man expects a woman to allow him to break his promises, to be irresponsible, to be careless, to treat her poorly, then it is the man that is wrong, not the woman who isn’t that way. This may be very obvious, but I still want to be sure that it is clearly stated. So, I would suggest that if a woman is judging herself based on what she perceives men to expect/desire, first ask yourself if those perceived expectations are even reasonable.
Second, there are times when each partner needs something from the other person. Certainly, there are times that you don’t care if he spends an evening or weekend with his guy friends, but there are also times when you need him to be there for you. That is reasonable and normal (as long as it is not excessive, like every day). One of my friends became very upset when his girlfriend came back from a week-long cruise and then wanted to take a weekend trip with her girls the following weekend. This is an example from a guy’s point of view, but I think it still applies.
And third, it greatly depends on the character of the one you are with. My aunt trusted my uncle completely to go anywhere and do anything (as long as he had spent time with her beforehand) because she knew his character. She knew he would be completely faithful to her. She never questioned his faithfulness, and never had too.
If you are finding yourself doubting the person you are in a relationship with (this applies to both sexes), ask yourself what it reveals about both of you – the character of your partner and yourself.
First, some of what men expect simply isn’t realistic. If a man expects a woman to allow him to break his promises, to be irresponsible, to be careless, to treat her poorly, then it is the man that is wrong, not the woman who isn’t that way. This may be very obvious, but I still want to be sure that it is clearly stated. So, I would suggest that if a woman is judging herself based on what she perceives men to expect/desire, first ask yourself if those perceived expectations are even reasonable.
Second, there are times when each partner needs something from the other person. Certainly, there are times that you don’t care if he spends an evening or weekend with his guy friends, but there are also times when you need him to be there for you. That is reasonable and normal (as long as it is not excessive, like every day). One of my friends became very upset when his girlfriend came back from a week-long cruise and then wanted to take a weekend trip with her girls the following weekend. This is an example from a guy’s point of view, but I think it still applies.
And third, it greatly depends on the character of the one you are with. My aunt trusted my uncle completely to go anywhere and do anything (as long as he had spent time with her beforehand) because she knew his character. She knew he would be completely faithful to her. She never questioned his faithfulness, and never had too.
If you are finding yourself doubting the person you are in a relationship with (this applies to both sexes), ask yourself what it reveals about both of you – the character of your partner and yourself.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Darkness and light
A couple of years ago my friend John attended the men’s group when we were discussing the Every Young Man’s Battle book. He made a statement that has stayed with me and has been something I have come back to frequently. In our discussion of the sins men struggle with, specifically the sexual ones, John said, “darkness cannot survive in the light.” I believe this to be one of the most helpful statements I have heard, and I want to walk through some of my thoughts regarding this.
Sin thrives and grows in darkness. It shrivels and dies when it is brought to the light – of God’s word, of accountability with Christian friends, of real honesty with the self. I have learned that the more I hide my sin, the harder it is to fight it, and the more I lose. The more I am open about my sin to those around me, the easier it is to resist and overcome it.
Men, I want to address you for a second. God holds you accountable for the purity of any relationship with the opposite sex (recall God came to Adam first in the garden). In my opinion, you cannot maintain this alone. It is almost impossible to maintain this purity if you do not have strong accountability in your life. What I mean by this is that you are honest with other men in your life about what physical boundaries you have and how you do each and every time you interact with the opposite sex. Some of you reading this might think this is excessive. “But I see her as holy and a sister in Christ and so I don’t need accountability.” Just wait until you and/or her aren’t in a holy mood and see how well you resist. This is not in reference to my present situation, but just something I have observed and even find myself making sure I am on my guard against. One of the greatest protections I have in my current relationship is the four men in my life who are constantly asking me how I am doing. If you don’t have this, set it up now. Draw the line, set the standard, and keep dragging the darkness into the light so it does not hurt you and the one you are with! Girls, encourage your man to seek and maintain accountability!
Back to addressing everyone. It is a strange thing that bringing light to sin makes it easier to fight. But I have found repeatedly that when I hide my sin, I lose; when I confess it, I start to overcome it. James 5 says we are to “confess our sins to one another and pray for one another, so we may be healed.” It is not so that we can judge each other, but so we aren’t alone. Satan prowls around us like a roaring lion, and a lion on a hunt wants to isolate the prey from the herd. Fight isolation and the tendency to hide.
One of the ways I know I need to be accountable with my boys is by checking how I would feel by telling them what just transpired. If I wince or am embarrassed by the thought, I know I need to tell them, for my pride and flesh are fighting back. And when I tell them, I feel better – because it is brought to the light and I know they are praying for me and are aware of my struggles. This has been one of the better gauges for me to know when darkness is creeping in. Are there things in your life where the thought of telling one of your close friends about it actually makes you feel uncomfortable? It might be time to consider bringing light to darkness.
Relationship Threats
Relationship Threats
I don’t have a great amount of relationship experience, but these last few months have been a great eye-opener to me about many things involving relationships. It is one thing to read about them – it is quite another to actually live it! I have observed several things in myself that I want to share, specifically regarding what I consider some of the greatest threats (coming from the flesh) to a successful relationship. I believe these not only apply to relationships with the opposite sex, but also all types of friendships and family interactions.
Pride
This is one of the deadly sins, and one of those that God specifically says He hates (stated several times in Proverbs). From this sin comes judgmental behavior and thoughts (“I am better than you”), arrogance, distance, stubbornness, and even feeds selfishness. C.S. Lewis said that pride is essentially competitive in its nature, and how deep and intimate can any relationship be if one is constantly competing with the loved one? I had separated pride and stubbornness, but I personally think that the stubborn sin’s source is pride and selfishness.
Selfishness
This is an insidious enemy and one that in my opinion will kill love faster than most things. Men are commanded to love as Christ loved the church – sacrificial servant leadership. One simply cannot sacrifice and serve through being selfish. Selfishness is the opposite of sacrifice and service. How can I focus on meeting your needs and carefully listening to your desires, wants, hurts, frustrations, and joys if I am self-focused? Christ said to follow Him we must take up our cross daily and follow Him. He paints a picture of dying to self, daily, but even more of what I am finding to be true, hour by hour and minute by minute.
Fear
This is nasty sin, especially because it is so often is covered by lies and deceit. Perhaps “I don’t want to do that” – I claim to be selfish, when perhaps I am really afraid of doing it. Fear loves to hide. Fear will many times manifest itself through other emotions and frustrations. Men, this is especially true with anger. I have said before (and it is not me saying it, but well-documented and known psychology) that anger is not a primary emotion – that it reveals something deeper. Many times, anger is covering fear.
There are many other sins of the flesh that threaten relationships, but these three seem to be fairly significant, in at least my life. And I am learning that God is not interested in me being less selfish, but not being selfish at all. Yes, that is practically not possible, but that is the goal. He does not accept an excuse on my part such as, “Well, I’ve been pretty unselfish this last week, so I can be selfish today.” No, each day we must die to ourselves, and live to Him. I say must intentionally here – because if not, it only creates strain and hurt in our relationships and friendships.
I don’t have a great amount of relationship experience, but these last few months have been a great eye-opener to me about many things involving relationships. It is one thing to read about them – it is quite another to actually live it! I have observed several things in myself that I want to share, specifically regarding what I consider some of the greatest threats (coming from the flesh) to a successful relationship. I believe these not only apply to relationships with the opposite sex, but also all types of friendships and family interactions.
Pride
This is one of the deadly sins, and one of those that God specifically says He hates (stated several times in Proverbs). From this sin comes judgmental behavior and thoughts (“I am better than you”), arrogance, distance, stubbornness, and even feeds selfishness. C.S. Lewis said that pride is essentially competitive in its nature, and how deep and intimate can any relationship be if one is constantly competing with the loved one? I had separated pride and stubbornness, but I personally think that the stubborn sin’s source is pride and selfishness.
Selfishness
This is an insidious enemy and one that in my opinion will kill love faster than most things. Men are commanded to love as Christ loved the church – sacrificial servant leadership. One simply cannot sacrifice and serve through being selfish. Selfishness is the opposite of sacrifice and service. How can I focus on meeting your needs and carefully listening to your desires, wants, hurts, frustrations, and joys if I am self-focused? Christ said to follow Him we must take up our cross daily and follow Him. He paints a picture of dying to self, daily, but even more of what I am finding to be true, hour by hour and minute by minute.
Fear
This is nasty sin, especially because it is so often is covered by lies and deceit. Perhaps “I don’t want to do that” – I claim to be selfish, when perhaps I am really afraid of doing it. Fear loves to hide. Fear will many times manifest itself through other emotions and frustrations. Men, this is especially true with anger. I have said before (and it is not me saying it, but well-documented and known psychology) that anger is not a primary emotion – that it reveals something deeper. Many times, anger is covering fear.
There are many other sins of the flesh that threaten relationships, but these three seem to be fairly significant, in at least my life. And I am learning that God is not interested in me being less selfish, but not being selfish at all. Yes, that is practically not possible, but that is the goal. He does not accept an excuse on my part such as, “Well, I’ve been pretty unselfish this last week, so I can be selfish today.” No, each day we must die to ourselves, and live to Him. I say must intentionally here – because if not, it only creates strain and hurt in our relationships and friendships.
Excuses
It is critical as a young person to do what you can to experience healing and work through the issues in your life that you are aware as soon as possible. Healing is an unusual process because it can take time and doesn’t plot an exact course. It goes through high and low periods. But one can cultivate an attitude of openness to healing that will allow it to happen when the time is right. I say it is critical to work through issues while young because if they are not dealt with, they will be passed down to children and negatively effect relationship and work life.
I have identified some of my common excuses I used in order to avoid healing. I want to list these below and address them with a rational response.
I'll grow out of it over time
Wrong. Time does not heal all wounds. A broken leg will heal broken if it is not set and placed in a cast for a period of time. Wounds need attention, wounds need to be felt, wounds need to be addressed. Ignoring them or hoping they will go away will only deepen their impact as more of a false self will be built up around it.
What do I mean by this? One of my father wounds as a child was that my dad called me a coward when I refused to hit him back one evening when he was being abusive. My excuse in the past has been that over time, I'll just get over that and move on. The problem I ran into is that the person in my life I looked up to the most identified me as a coward and so over time, I began to take that to heart. I began to withdraw from various activities, people, and relationships. I began to isolate myself. I didn't see why I was doing it, just as if someone is ignoring a broken leg, they'll wonder why they can't run. Once I allowed myself to experience the range of emotions such words evoke -- hurt, anger, and finally the admission that such a statement was made from my dad's own wounded state, and thus it isn't true – I was able to start moving past those words and make progress.
I can't change/It's just the way I am
This was/is my favorite excuse. What is really true is a few things: I am lazy and don't want to change, I am afraid to change, I don't believe I can change, I don't see how I can change, and I am being arrogant and selfish by not changing. That may seem like quite a mouthful. Please don't misunderstand -- I know that many of our decisions come from being wounded and when our leg is broken, we can't imagine what a sprint is like. But, we must learn not to confuse the fact that we are not healed now as a statement that we will never be healed. Do we believe in God's power to heal us? Then if I am obedient to Him and place myself in His hands, He will heal me. It is pride/laziness/selfishness/fear that will keep me from His healing power. But such resignation is only an excuse for the deeper issues.
I don't need help
I prefer to do things by myself. I am very stubborn about this. But God made us for community and fellowship. God isn't even alone -- He exists in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! And we are made in His image to experience fellowship with people like us! You cannot experience healing alone. It just isn't possible. You need people, whether it is a therapist, close friend, small group, or family members. The first change that God made in my life was to plug me into His community, with His people, so I might have fellowship, encouragement, and strength from them. I could not have experienced any healing without the blessing that my close friends have been to me.
I don’t want to
This is also one of my favorite excuses. It’s really either I am lazy or I am afraid. Usually it is a combination of both, with the latter having much greater weight. One of the habits I learned very quickly is to act in fear by masking my true desires. It is basically killing or denying the heart’s desire. If I convince myself that I don’t really want it, then I don’t have to grow or do what is necessary to get it, to be it, to experience it. All the while fear is laughing inside because it’s not that I don’t want it (usually somewhere I am dying for it), but that I are terrified of the process. And so it hurts me in at least two ways: I deny my heart, slowly taking away my very life, and I don’t experience the growth and character development God wants in me. In a sense, I live a “double” life because I am split between the hearts core desires and the masked pretend wants.
I encourage you to think through some of the excuses you make that block your healing, if this is the case. Do you live a double life with yourself saying one thing, and then doing another? Are there situations in your life that you don’t understand why you act or react the way you do? Do you have longings and desires, but are afraid to act on them? If so, it is a pretty good indication something is there. And the longer you delay, the harder it gets. God is waiting for you!
I have identified some of my common excuses I used in order to avoid healing. I want to list these below and address them with a rational response.
I'll grow out of it over time
Wrong. Time does not heal all wounds. A broken leg will heal broken if it is not set and placed in a cast for a period of time. Wounds need attention, wounds need to be felt, wounds need to be addressed. Ignoring them or hoping they will go away will only deepen their impact as more of a false self will be built up around it.
What do I mean by this? One of my father wounds as a child was that my dad called me a coward when I refused to hit him back one evening when he was being abusive. My excuse in the past has been that over time, I'll just get over that and move on. The problem I ran into is that the person in my life I looked up to the most identified me as a coward and so over time, I began to take that to heart. I began to withdraw from various activities, people, and relationships. I began to isolate myself. I didn't see why I was doing it, just as if someone is ignoring a broken leg, they'll wonder why they can't run. Once I allowed myself to experience the range of emotions such words evoke -- hurt, anger, and finally the admission that such a statement was made from my dad's own wounded state, and thus it isn't true – I was able to start moving past those words and make progress.
I can't change/It's just the way I am
This was/is my favorite excuse. What is really true is a few things: I am lazy and don't want to change, I am afraid to change, I don't believe I can change, I don't see how I can change, and I am being arrogant and selfish by not changing. That may seem like quite a mouthful. Please don't misunderstand -- I know that many of our decisions come from being wounded and when our leg is broken, we can't imagine what a sprint is like. But, we must learn not to confuse the fact that we are not healed now as a statement that we will never be healed. Do we believe in God's power to heal us? Then if I am obedient to Him and place myself in His hands, He will heal me. It is pride/laziness/selfishness/fear that will keep me from His healing power. But such resignation is only an excuse for the deeper issues.
I don't need help
I prefer to do things by myself. I am very stubborn about this. But God made us for community and fellowship. God isn't even alone -- He exists in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! And we are made in His image to experience fellowship with people like us! You cannot experience healing alone. It just isn't possible. You need people, whether it is a therapist, close friend, small group, or family members. The first change that God made in my life was to plug me into His community, with His people, so I might have fellowship, encouragement, and strength from them. I could not have experienced any healing without the blessing that my close friends have been to me.
I don’t want to
This is also one of my favorite excuses. It’s really either I am lazy or I am afraid. Usually it is a combination of both, with the latter having much greater weight. One of the habits I learned very quickly is to act in fear by masking my true desires. It is basically killing or denying the heart’s desire. If I convince myself that I don’t really want it, then I don’t have to grow or do what is necessary to get it, to be it, to experience it. All the while fear is laughing inside because it’s not that I don’t want it (usually somewhere I am dying for it), but that I are terrified of the process. And so it hurts me in at least two ways: I deny my heart, slowly taking away my very life, and I don’t experience the growth and character development God wants in me. In a sense, I live a “double” life because I am split between the hearts core desires and the masked pretend wants.
I encourage you to think through some of the excuses you make that block your healing, if this is the case. Do you live a double life with yourself saying one thing, and then doing another? Are there situations in your life that you don’t understand why you act or react the way you do? Do you have longings and desires, but are afraid to act on them? If so, it is a pretty good indication something is there. And the longer you delay, the harder it gets. God is waiting for you!
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