When I took a class on The Purpose Driven Life at church back in the summer of last year, I was given a personality test called Servants by Design and scored 100% in two of the categories, one of them being the Dreamer category. At first I found this surprising, but I quickly realized that it was true. The discovery helped me learn more about myself, but I have still wondered about how to integrate my “dreamer” with the reality of life. This post by no means answers this question, but contains some of my thoughts on the subject.
I find it interesting that Paul, when writing about love, specifically states the following:
When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things (1 Cor. 13:11).
I suspect that dreaming comes from at least three places, the first from our childhood, the second from living as fallen individuals in an imperfect world that was designed for perfection, and the third from being human. The first is from woundedness, the second from fallenness, and the third from humanness. The first can be healed, for Christ is a Healer, the second can’t be changed but can be improved by growing in a deeper relationship with Him, and the third is a gift from Him as one made in His image, creative and full of life.
I have spoken quite a bit here about wounds and healing and will do so more in the future, so while I may touch on it briefly here, I do not want to go in depth. And as the verse above suggests, a deeper love results from and creates a deeper maturity in a person.
What I found is that my dreams detract from me living a more full life, because I am continuously disappointed by what I expect or wish for and what actually happens or is! And so in order to more fully integrate myself with what is, I ask myself what we all ask which is, is this realistic? And I find I end up asking myself this quite a bit! But I go further…
I think it is silly to dismiss a dream simply because it is unrealistic. Why do I desire it in the first place? Is this desire covering up another desire? (see earlier post titled The Inner Desire) What is underneath this desire? What is it that I want that this is revealing to me?
Let me give an example, that while I am both embarrassed and laughing at myself, it may help illustrate this. Suppose I envision in some romantic fantasy that a girl will show up at my doorstep with flowers and be Mrs. Right for me. This is funny to even write. The Parent “ego” might say “That is completely ridiculous” and it is very much unrealistic. But it is not something to completely dismiss. What does it reveal? A desire to be with someone. And is this desire bad? No, in fact, it is by design! So, I can then channel the unrealistic fantasy into a more realistic one – by thanking my Creator for giving me these desires and searching His Word to discover what I am to do and be before Him. Perhaps, in fact, quite likely, He wants the situation to be reversed!! Although the concept of Mr. or Mrs. Right is, I do not think, realistic either.
The primary point I want to illustrate here is that dismissing dreams or fantasies without carefully investigating their source will only feed them more. Somewhere, a real desire is speaking and needs to be heard. When we give ourselves the ear we need, we may find that we are more fully human and accepting of ourselves. And in the process of discovering the real desire, we may be able to begin positive steps towards fulfilling it!
Now, on a practical note, this sucks! Why? Because I have gotten good at either denying or covering up my desires and by acknowledging and searching for the truth, I am opening myself up to being more real. And, because I am such a dreamer, I am finding just how much I dream and end up steering myself towards a deeper reality. I say “this sucks” because it is hard work.
Powell states that change begins when we discover ourselves to be a certain way (the “aha” moment of truth). Because at that moment, we either choose to remain that way (and that in itself is different than before) or we start to exchange our immature habits for more mature ones. And much of that is speaking truth to myself. Does not the truth set us free? And love rejoices in the truth!
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