Recently, the concept of “that girl” has crossed my radar and it has caused me to think about men’s expectations of women that women think/perceive men to have that causes a woman to judge herself based on those perceived expectations. What I mean by “that girl” is the “cool” girl that lets her man be free to do what he wants. I want to suggest some thoughts on this concept.
First, some of what men expect simply isn’t realistic. If a man expects a woman to allow him to break his promises, to be irresponsible, to be careless, to treat her poorly, then it is the man that is wrong, not the woman who isn’t that way. This may be very obvious, but I still want to be sure that it is clearly stated. So, I would suggest that if a woman is judging herself based on what she perceives men to expect/desire, first ask yourself if those perceived expectations are even reasonable.
Second, there are times when each partner needs something from the other person. Certainly, there are times that you don’t care if he spends an evening or weekend with his guy friends, but there are also times when you need him to be there for you. That is reasonable and normal (as long as it is not excessive, like every day). One of my friends became very upset when his girlfriend came back from a week-long cruise and then wanted to take a weekend trip with her girls the following weekend. This is an example from a guy’s point of view, but I think it still applies.
And third, it greatly depends on the character of the one you are with. My aunt trusted my uncle completely to go anywhere and do anything (as long as he had spent time with her beforehand) because she knew his character. She knew he would be completely faithful to her. She never questioned his faithfulness, and never had too.
If you are finding yourself doubting the person you are in a relationship with (this applies to both sexes), ask yourself what it reveals about both of you – the character of your partner and yourself.
1 comment:
A lot of distrust is caused by a person's own insecurity as well as just a person's understanding of the realistic nature of others. However, taking out one's distrust on another isn't going to change anything. A person will be faithful if they want to, not because they are told to do so. That is why jealous men and women are so unsuccessful is because they think that they can actually tell someone else what to do and the person will obey them.
Last thing, is that men and women need to learn that there are few differences between men and women although society tries to tell us there are many. When you wonder why your significant other does one thing, you should ask yourself why would you do that, and more often than not, it will begin to make sense.
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