Why feel pain?

One is justified in asking what the use is of visiting the wounds of the past, especially the ones we have not dealt with. Why would I want to revisit that place of pain? I have touched on the why briefly in the previous couple of posts, but those have been more theoretical. The theory is that in order to fully live, one must have a heart fully alive; and an unhealed wound prevents the heart from being fully alive. But let’s get more practical here.

Eldredge talks about the wound in his book, Wild at Heart, and the term “Arrow” is used in Sacred Romance for the same concept. What happens is that when a wound (arrow) is taken, a message is delivered with that wound, and from that message we create a false self. This false self is generated from the message which is more often than not a lie.

Wound (Arrow) >> (delivers a) Message (that is a lie) >> (from which we create a) False Self

Have you ever wondered why you react to certain things the way you do? Do you question why your passions have shifted, or even been lost? Why am I afraid of certain things, why am I a certain way, why do I respond to a given situation with a less than desirable response? These are just a few of the questions that may be answered when one takes a journey into the wounds of the past.

We are told constantly (especially in the church) that it does no good to dwell on the past – that we must leave it behind and move forward. We should never use the present or past as an excuse to not do the things we need to do. I can see that idea applying especially to the situations where one thinks enough has been “done” for God. The important thing to realize is that one does not “do” things for God to repay Him for the gift of His Son – such repayment is not possible. However, we never “arrive” as Christians until we meet Christ following death. And that will only be through His death for us.

But, it is important to revisit the past and examine the events in our lives that have shaped us to be who we are. This is especially true with the painful events of our past. The reasons have been mentioned, but the particular one listed here is one of the most important reasons. Reexamining the wounds of the past will help identify the messages that have been delivered with those wounds, which we have believed (though they have been lies), and on which we have build a self that isn’t part of who we really were made to be.

This may seem to abstract still. One of the largest places we receive wounds from is parents (especially fathers). A father who calls his son or daughter a coward may deliver to his son a message that says “I do not believe in you. I am disappointed in you. I am ashamed to be your dad. I do not think you can ‘cut’ it in this world.” And so what does a son or daughter who receives this do? There are many responses – one may be to overcompensate for this statement and become an overachiever in an attempt to somehow “please” the father and convince him that he or she really is not a coward. One may chose to give up, accepting it as true and then living as if it were. No doubt there are many other things one does in an attempt to either cover up or accept the statement.

This should provide at least one additional reason for venturing into the wound. Most likely a father who gives such a wound has been wounded himself and he has not dealt with it appropriately. He probably believes the lie of his wound and he is compensating by attacking the image of himself that he sees in his son or daughter. That is just one that is possible off the top of my head. In order to be a better parent (if one wants to be), going to the place of pain so that one can heal is the best route to take. Healing is necessary so you can be whole and you will not inflict wounds on others, especially those you love.

I have touched on a few more concrete reasons for going to wounded places and finding healing through pain. As I think of others or better explanations, I may post further on this part of the subject of pain and healing.