The beginning

I want to continue what I mentioned earlier about pain and what was referred to as “the Arrows”. An Arrow is pain, from whatever it is we experience. What we do as a result of the Arrow will affect us not only in the short term, but for the rest of our lives.

“At some point we all face the same decision—what will we do with the Arrows we’ve known? Maybe a better way to say it is, what have they tempted us to do? However they come to us, whether through a loss we experience as abandonment or some deep violation we feel as abuse, their message is always the same: Kill your heart. Divorce it, neglect it, run from it, or indulge it with some anesthetic (our various addictions). Think of how you’ve handled the affliction that has pierced your own heart. How did the Arrows come to you? Where did they land? Are they still there? What have you done as a result?” (The Sacred Romance, Chapter 3)

I think one of the ways humans deal with pain is to distance the self from the pain. But in order to do so, we have to lie to our self. We begin to minimize the impact that it has on our life. We start to pretend that it isn’t important, that it doesn’t matter, that somehow, somewhere, we can get by without it. The problem this creates is that it does not allow the heart to heal. In order to heal, the heart must be rinsed through feeling the pain, being cleansed by tears.

If I was to break my arm, it would be foolish of me to act as if I did not need the arm and continue without seeking treatment. Certainly the processing of setting a broken bone is not a pleasant experience from what I’ve been told, but by setting the bone in its proper place, I am admitting I need the arm (and allowing it to heal properly). This is true with painful experiences as well. I must first come to the place where I admit that I need my heart to be alive in order for me to really live.

While healing may take various forms and manifest itself in different ways, it more often than not follows a general pattern. What I am interested in writing about over the upcoming weeks, perhaps months, is what this pattern looks like. Let us not kid ourselves – we will take Arrows at various times and places in our lives. That is unavoidable. We cannot live in a cocoon, attempting to control our environment and space to such an extent that no pain is possible. One could certainly take that route, but as Lewis pointed out, the possibility (and certainty) of pain also allows us to experience that beautiful thing called joy. And so what must be learned is what is the correct way, what is God’s way, of responding to pain?