Forgiveness

I want to add yet another reason why it is important to acknowledge and plumb the depths of pain. This one is probably one of the most difficult, but also the most necessary. Entire books have been written on the subject, and I am only using it to add yet another reason why pain must be felt. The issue here is one of forgiveness.

No matter what the circumstance surrounding the pain, there is always someone to forgive. In death, the Person to forgive is God – not because He is spiteful or maliciously went out of His way to hurt you, but simply because feelings of doubt and explanation arise and it is normal to direct those at Him. In other situations, such as the loss of a relationship or friendship, the rejection by a group or any other circumstance that does not involve death, there usually is a much more concrete individual or individuals who will require forgiveness.

Here is the problem: unless a wound is felt to its deepest impact, it cannot be fully forgiven. Unless one is willing to admit the depth of pain and how much the loss mattered and was important, it cannot be completely forgiven. It is similar to an iceberg – it does no good for a person to estimate the size (and danger) of a large body of ice based on what is seen above water. The vast majority of it is under water. We cannot successfully steer our lives through healing and forgiveness when there is pain that has not been fully admitted and felt.

One of the many things we attempt to do (as I have mentioned earlier) is to try to minimize the importance or impact that an event or person has on our life when pain comes from them. This creates many problems – a couple I have detailed previously. Part of the healing process is to let go and to forgive the person or group of the wounds that we have received. But that cannot be done until the wound is fully acknowledged and allowed to fully hurt.

I will probably post more on the topic of forgiveness at some point in the future. I am not saying that one should not forgive until there is no more pain. At the same time, why do we try to play around with forgiveness when we have not even admitted the depth of the loss? Healing begins when an individual is honest with him or herself. At some point in the healing process, when the extent of the damage can be seen and felt, then forgiveness can begin. And forgiveness, in many cases, will only come by remembering what we have been forgiven of.