Growth

I’ve been thinking about growth this morning and its difficulties and challenges. All of us have attributes about us that need growth – either to be eliminated, or changed. It could be pride, fear, procrastination, laziness, anger, drivenness, isolation, judgmental spirit, or a whole host of other things. Sadly, these come from the combination of our sin natures and our family backgrounds. All of our struggles are due to sin; some also are because of a wounded heart.

In my blog titled Excuses a few weeks ago, I listed some of my common excuses for avoiding growth in my life. One of the biggest excuses I have used and use at times is: I can’t do it. I want to look at this one in greater detail.

What is true about the “can’t” word in relation to a character deficiency? If I want to climb a mountain, I certainly can’t climb the entire thing immediately. Nor would it be wise for me to do so alone. I need a guide and I need to focus on what I can do. The guide will tell me what to do and where to go, and focusing on the immediate area (putting my foot here is another step up the mountain) will eventually allow me to get to the top of the mountain.

In my own life, I have used the word “can’t” to describe something that truly was unrealistic and impossible. I can’t be a man who is without fear. But that doesn’t mean I allow fear to remain in my life, or that God doesn’t want me to grow. What it means is that I am looking at the wrong thing. I am looking at the mountain instead of at my Guide. I am looking at the distance I need to go instead of at the step I need to take now. God did not ask Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac as his first act of faith – He developed a relationship with Abram and first brought him out of Ur (and this was at age 75).

I cannot underscore the importance of this in working on weaknesses in your life. If you “can’t”, it may be because you are trying to take too large of a step (trying to be perfect now), or you are trying to take a step in a wounded state. This is not the solution or an easy fix, but rather one way I have avoided growth.

Without a daily relationship with God, you will not grow. This is critical and the first step to any character growth. It is also the area the enemy will attack first. If you find that your relationship with God is not where it needs to be, take this step now! Do not delay, do not put it off any longer. You are trying to climb a mountain without a Guide, scale a rock wall without a harness, trying to cross the ocean without a boat or plane. We are told in Hebrews 12 that when we run the race, we do so with endurance and “fix our eyes on Jesus.”

Without the intimate friendships of other believers who are like-minded, you will not grow. The second change God made in my life was to place me in a group of people who loved Him and who came alongside me and supported me as I grew. You cannot grow alone. You cannot climb alone. And you aren’t expected too. God is relational, and He created us in His image as relational beings.

If there are emotional wounds in your life that are unhealed, you will have great difficulty growing. It is very important to address these if you know they exist in your life. We will have wounds and go through a process of healing all throughout our lives. But wounds from abuse, neglect, and absence of critical people in your early life (father/mother/family/friends) need to be investigated carefully and healed. This is usually done through therapy, and I highly recommend looking into it if you are aware of something in your life that needs to be addressed.

If you don’t grow in the situation you are in now, you will find God changes your situation so you will grow. I have seen this in my life and the lives of my friends. God’s goal for you is not to give you a job with comfort, or that you get married, or that you are successful, but rather that you are conformed to His image and His character. If this means being single, struggling in your job, or living with weakness, then He will put those in your life in order to grow you. I have had relationships fail because I refused to grow. I have had my life turned upside down because I refused to grow and God does not give up (praise His name!). Be careful that in your avoidance of growth you do not invite greater change that will emphasize your need for growth even more (which tends to make the new situation more unpleasant).

If you don’t start now, it will only get more difficult later. I have stated before that time does not heal all wounds and that time does not grow us out of our weaknesses. The saying “old habits die hard” is very true. The older the habit, the harder it is to kill. Imagine your character flaws as mounds of earth. Every day you are either taking the shovel and removing dirt from the mound (by placing it on God for His removal) or you are adding dirt to the mound. The mound is either getting bigger or smaller, based on the decisions you are making every day. C.S. Lewis said “That is why the little decisions you and I make every day are of such infinite importance. The smallest good act today is the capture of a strategic point from which, a few months later, you may be able to go on to victories you never dreamed of. An apparently trivial indulgence in lust or anger [pride, judgment, procrastination, laziness, fear, etc.] today is the loss of a ridge or railway line or bridgehead from which the enemy may launch an attack otherwise impossible.” (Mere Christianity)

I write the above more to myself than even to you, whoever you may be. These are things I have learned and continue to learn as I grow. How grateful I am that His grace is sufficient, that His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor. 12:9). My encouragement to you is start today. “Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts, as when they provoked me.” (Hebrews 3:15) “He who began a good work in your will be faithful to complete it.” (Phil. 1:6). And above all, the goal of growth is a deeper relationship with Christ.