Turning 30

How do I feel about turning 30?

I think back to when I was turning 20 and how many plans I had made for my life then. I thought I had things figured out -- when I was getting married, how long to be married before having kids, what I would do for work, where I would work, where I would travel too and the friends I would keep and stay in close touch with, and on the list could go. I thought I knew myself and the world pretty well and was very firm and dogmatic in my beliefs, opinions, and attitudes. None of my plans have come to pass as I thought they would and some of the things I thought I had to have by a certain time didn't happen. And praise God for His grace in protecting me from my immaturity and my plans! His plans have been so much better!

I sit back and look at where God has me now in life and there are several things that are so refreshing. After seeing my plans fail or change, I usually don't make tightly-held ones. Solomon says in Proverbs 16:9 that "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Lesson 1 from the last 10 years: hold onto your plans loosely. Be flexible.

My natural tendency to be extremely black and white, dogmatic, and inflexible has been significantly broken. There is still a ton of work that is needed in this area, but it is so refreshing to have the freedom to admit and accept doubt, to ask hard questions to which there may not be answers (at least right now), and consider other points of view. Rather than growing more certain about more things, I've grown less certain about many things, don't care as much about others (as I've seen they don't really matter), and on fewer things, I am more certain. Lesson 2: Be willing to embrace doubt and questions and uncertainty.

Another tendency I have is to give into fear and this has been a blockade in my life. Many times fear can influence desires, to the point that desires are modified or denied because at the root there is fear, not because "it just is who I am." I could spend an entire book on this point, but the lesson might be lost. Lesson 3: face fears, embrace desires, and pursue life.

I've also learned that life contains a lot of pain and disappointment and that it is important to mourn and hurt when that pain comes, instead of trying to bottle it up or pretend that it isn't there. Too often I've tried to dismiss situations that have been really sad, or give myself only a certain amount of time to get past something, instead of allowing my emotions to flow and let healing take place naturally. Christ is with us in all of our pain, not only the experience of it, but also the feeling of it. Lesson 4: Acknowledge and feel pain and invite Christ into it.

As I learn more about who I am, it is refreshing to be who I am. Not what other people want me to be, but to be me (I posted a poem last week about this). I still have a lot of work in this area, as depending on the person and situation I adjust my behavior or worry about how I might be perceived. Some of this is good: one certainly ought to be much more polite and cautious in what one says in the midst of a very formal group at dinner versus surrounded by best friends at home over a beer. It is rather challenging to determine the difference in being oneself versus being respectful to others. I think it goes back to what Paul talks about in Romans regarding not causing a brother or sister to stumble. And the line is certainly not fixed! Lesson 5: be yourself.

And finally, I've learned that growth never stops. Ever. You may be growing in a positive or negative direction, but you are growing. Even being stationary is growing -- perhaps in laziness. Pursue excellence and growth; there are so many resources over the years that God has used to change me. I used to think the answers were only found in the Bible -- now I see that truth is everywhere and should be evaluated in light of the Bible. The goal for growth is not growth: it is to be Christ-like. In reading self-improvement books on improving listening skills or on releasing a habits of perfectionism, one can use the resources available today to grow and stretch and become like Christ. That's the greatness of God -- He uses anything and everything if we let Him and make ourselves available to Him. Lesson 6: Pursue Christ-likeness with passion and an openness to change.