Pain

I've been having a rough time lately both in my personal and work life -- feeling a bit overwhelmed with several things that are happening at the same time. I'm in the middle of transitioning out of my current job to leave for a new company, working through some internal team conflict, going through a break up, and feeling sad and disappointed about things. I wanted to share a few lessons that I am learning yet again that might be helpful to you.

One of the big things that going through therapy taught me is not to hide, mask, or push away pain. When it comes, embrace it fully, feel it to its depth, and do what needs to be done -- cry, journal, pray, talk to people. When we try to mask our pain, or deny that it is there, all we do is hurt ourselves more deeply and push the feeling of the pain away. We can't be healed if we don't feel pain. The ache of a hurting heart, the shedding of tears, is like rain that washes away the dirt, grime, and oil. It helps the heart to really feel and hurt and acknowledge loss or difficulty. In some past hurts, I've only allowed myself to hurt to a certain extent, or length of time, or even try not to hurt at all. All I did was delay the pain to another day, when it was even more painful to feel it and heal. Kind of like a broken bone. It has to be set and put in a cast to heal. Otherwise, it doesn't actually heal and you end up crippled. To fix that, you have to break it again and set it right.

Another thing I am learning, and this from one of my roommates, is to invite Jesus into the area of pain. Not for the purpose of taking it away, but for the purpose of walking with me through the pain. This has changed my prayer life in what I pray for as I feel pain. Jesus felt the full pain of the cross, the rejection of His Father, and the weight of the sin of the world on his shoulders. He is "a man of sorrows, [well] acquainted with grief". I don't think that God always takes away our pain immediately and directly (although He can and probably does sometimes); instead He walks with us through our pain and into healing. "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me." I think this is because God is not primarily after our healing, He is after our transformation. He doesn't want us simply 'fixed', He wants us recreated and made into the image and likeness of Jesus Christ. And pain is a megaphone that God uses to change us. C.S. Lewis writes that God shouts at us in our pain. He has my attention as I hurt and ache and struggle.

I've also learned to let go in the pain and to be transformed and changed. Again, God wants to transform me, not simply to "fix" me. If I allow Him and surrender to Him in the pain, He will change my heart. It has been one of my prayers the last few days -- that I would listen, that I would learn, and that I would be changed. I don't want to run or hide or avoid it, as much as it hurts. And He is teaching me to give up my demands, to cry out to Him, and to ruthlessly trust Him. I wish I could say I've done this well or am doing it well. Thankfully He is gracious and understands my weakness. He knows my heart and knows my desires.

I'm also learning to see self-protective habits and patterns that have been created, "wells" that I have dug for water, when Jesus is the source of living water. Larry Crabb in his book Inside Out talks a lot about this and our table group at church has been going through this book. I didn't think I'd get to really deeply apply some of what he suggested so soon, but it seems God had others plans for me! I run to these wells, perhaps letting fear hold me back, perhaps my job or money, perhaps selfishness or pride, instead of coming authentically and in brokenness before Christ and letting Him wash me with His water and His love. God reveals these wells to me and lovingly shows me how insufficient they are and how He is sufficient.

Being in pain helps in empathizing with the pain of others. Pain can generate a hardened or a softened heart. I can either build walls or I can let my heart remain open and tender as it is loved by Jesus. And in that love, I can feel and love others more deeply. I can pray for and support them in their pain. And I can share the love of Christ that has been shown in my pain with them.

And finally, how incredibly valuable and priceless are close friends! Knowing that I am prayed for, receiving encouragement from friends, having people to talk to, is helpful beyond what words can express. I'm not alone. You are not alone. People who love and support, those who are present and available, are such a huge help. Where would Israel have been had it not been for Aaron and Hur to hold Moses' hands up in the battle (Exodus 17)? Oh that would be like them and not like Job's friends!