What is your faith in?

Let me start by saying I don't like the word faith, not because of the word or its meaning, but because it has been redefined and overused in the American culture and hardly means what it is intended to mean. So I will use words like "trust" and "belief" in addition to "faith".

One of the best books I have read on faith as it exists in Christianity is one called Velvet Elvis. It was also one of the most challenging and difficult books for me to read.

The author suggests that the Christian belief is more like a trampoline than a brick wall; it is flexible and can bend without breaking. He also said, and it was one of the statements that really hit me hard, that truth is truth regardless of where it is found. It was not hard because it did not make sense, but because while I think it is true, I have rarely lived it.

What this book moved me to a year ago was to look hard at exactly what my faith is in. In my days prior to coming back to Christ, I had posted quite adamantly that one must believe in the entire Bible as literal truth, or none of it. What a nice black and white statement coming from someone who at the time saw no gray. But that is the way I was raised. Please don't misunderstand that I am one of those who thinks God is a chicken because it says He has wings. I understand metaphor where it is used; but I believed (and primarily still do) that it is best to interpret it as literal unless it is clear otherwise.

What brings me back to this belief question is the start of a debate again discussing the age of the earth, something I have been quite firm about in the past. I have previously seen it as: either the earth is young or the Bible is a lie. What was my faith in?

I have spent a lot of time redefining what exactly I believe and what that belief and trust rests on. I have come to the following conclusion:

My faith rests completely on who Christ is and what He did.

What are the practical implications of this statement? It means that while I may enjoy a debate on the age of the earth, the size of the flood, or the meaning of a "day" in creation, my opinion or another's opinion is not crucial to my trust in Christ. If it were to be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that the earth is truly millions of years old, or that a worldwide flood is impossible, it will not change my belief in Jesus Christ.

I spent so much time nitpicking as the smallest of details and I missed the greater truth. Is the point of the creation story that God made things in 24-hour days or that He created the world? Is the point of the flood that the world was covered completely by water, or that every living thing died except Noah and his family because of gross sin? Am I spending too much time being tossed in every wave of doctrine, or spending my time focusing on knowing Christ (see previous post on this subject)?

This may be very difficult to read and I understand that difficulty because I have spent a lot of time struggling with it. And this post, like all my others, represents my thoughts and opinions; it is something I hope you think through prayerfully and in the light of God's Word.

My belief rests on who Jesus Christ is, fully God, and what He did, coming in human form, dying and rising again, as reported in the Bible.

And so I leave you with the same question, what, or perhaps, who, is your faith in?

Some of my favorite movie quotes

Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.

All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us.
Fellowship of the Ring

(Sam): By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
(Frodo): What are we holding onto, Sam?
(Sam): That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.
The Two Towers

I can't carry the ring for you... but I can carry you!
Return of the King

There are too many ideas and too many people. And too many directions to go. I was starting to believe that the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that is whittles the world down to a more manageable size.
Adaptation

There is no normal life, there's just life, ya live it…say goodbye to me, go grab that spirited actress and make her your own. Take that and don't look back. Live every second, live right on through the end. Live Wyatt, live for me. Wyatt, if you were ever truly my friend, or if ya ever had just the slightest of feelin' for me, leave now, leave now, please.
Tombstone

I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really... Delivers. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you…
High Fidelity

I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.
The Notebook

Why don't you love me, Jenny? I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is.
Forrest Gump

There are no guarantees, but remember: Even in the future, the sweet is never as sweet without the sour.
Vanilla Sky

You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fiber-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?
Devil’s Advocate

You make me want to be a better man.
As Good As It Gets

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.
Princess Bride


So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then about four months in, I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb move, I know, but you know how it is - you don't really want to know, but you just have to... stupid guy [stuff]. Anyway she starts telling me all about him - how they dated for years, lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she tells me that a couple times, he brought other people to bed with them - ménage a tois, I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind. I mean, I'm not used to that sort of thing, right? I was raised Catholic….So I get weirded out, and just start blasting her, right? This is the only way I can deal with it - by calling her a slut, and telling her that she was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I want to hurt her - because I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling. And I'm like "What the [heck] is wrong with you?" and she's telling me that it was that time, in that place, and she didn't do anything wrong, so she's not gonna apologize. So I tell her it's over, and I walk…It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level or never be enough for her or something. And what I didn't get was that she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I realized this, it was too late, you know. She'd moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But I pushed her away...
Chasing Amy

That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it hurts, but it's sort of all we have.
Garden State

(Answering why he likes Pinot) Uh, I don't know, I don't know. Um, it's a hard grape to grow, as you know. Right? It's uh, it's thin-skinned, temperamental, ripens early. It's, you know, it's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can just grow anywhere and uh, thrive even when it's neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention. You know? And in fact it can only grow in these really specific, little, tucked away corners of the world. And, and only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really. Only somebody who really takes the time to understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression. Then, I mean, oh its flavors, they're just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and... ancient on the planet.
Sideways

When some body hurts you they take power over you, if you don't forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive yourself.
Diary of a Mad Black Woman

God and Emotions

I received a text this morning with the question "Does God have emotion?" What a great question! What a perfect way to begin my morning! I was totally excited about this question and I have been thinking about it all day, with great delight!

I have blogged very recently that emotions are neither good nor bad, and I closed that blog by stating that God has emotions (see Emotions, 12/15/2006). So yes, God does have emotion.

There is a tendency to think that emotions are bad, because we see the fruits of the negative ones, such as anger, jealousy, bitterness, and greed. But there is our first misconception. There is no such thing as a bad emotion. At least I hope not, for notice the following couple of verses that describe two of these negative emotions:

They made him [God] jealous with their foreign gods and angered him with their detestable idols. (Duet. 32:16)

Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. (Ex. 34:14)

What fills me with excitement (notice: excitement is an emotion I am feeling based on my reaction to this question) is that this reveals something great about the way we are created. You see, we are made in His image. We have emotions because He does. We feel because He does. If we were to be emotionless, we would not be made in His image.

Emotions add the variety to life. Without them we would all respond the same way to every situation. It is our emotions that allow us to be different: when it rains, some may feel depressed, and others happy. It is the interpretation of the events that generate the emotion. Emotions help give us uniqueness.

So how does God emote? I am so excited about the upcoming Point study on the attributes of God, and the first attribute I believe answers the question: infinitude. This word means "all that God is He is without limit or measure." When God feels, He feels completely, because He is complete! When God loves, He loves completely! When God is angry, it is infinite anger (not in time, but in quantity). Is it any wonder that unbelievers will be paralyzed in fear before God on judgment day?

This is so awesome for me to think about! How boring life would be to serve a God without emotions? His emotions add such variety and color to life! And yet, God's emotions, unlike ours, never rule Him. God is in completely control of Himself. This is accomplished because God is fully Himself in all things. He is completely Love, Holy, Righteous, Just, Mercy, and Truth (to name a few). It is not that one rules the other. He is all things, completely. Hard to imagine, and yet oh, what a great thought!

Ideal versus Practical -- Initial Thoughts

When I took a class on The Purpose Driven Life at church back in the summer of last year, I was given a personality test called Servants by Design and scored 100% in two of the categories, one of them being the Dreamer category. At first I found this surprising, but I quickly realized that it was true. The discovery helped me learn more about myself, but I have still wondered about how to integrate my “dreamer” with the reality of life. This post by no means answers this question, but contains some of my thoughts on the subject.

I find it interesting that Paul, when writing about love, specifically states the following:

When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things (1 Cor. 13:11).

I suspect that dreaming comes from at least three places, the first from our childhood, the second from living as fallen individuals in an imperfect world that was designed for perfection, and the third from being human. The first is from woundedness, the second from fallenness, and the third from humanness. The first can be healed, for Christ is a Healer, the second can’t be changed but can be improved by growing in a deeper relationship with Him, and the third is a gift from Him as one made in His image, creative and full of life.

I have spoken quite a bit here about wounds and healing and will do so more in the future, so while I may touch on it briefly here, I do not want to go in depth. And as the verse above suggests, a deeper love results from and creates a deeper maturity in a person.

What I found is that my dreams detract from me living a more full life, because I am continuously disappointed by what I expect or wish for and what actually happens or is! And so in order to more fully integrate myself with what is, I ask myself what we all ask which is, is this realistic? And I find I end up asking myself this quite a bit! But I go further…

I think it is silly to dismiss a dream simply because it is unrealistic. Why do I desire it in the first place? Is this desire covering up another desire? (see earlier post titled The Inner Desire) What is underneath this desire? What is it that I want that this is revealing to me?

Let me give an example, that while I am both embarrassed and laughing at myself, it may help illustrate this. Suppose I envision in some romantic fantasy that a girl will show up at my doorstep with flowers and be Mrs. Right for me. This is funny to even write. The Parent “ego” might say “That is completely ridiculous” and it is very much unrealistic. But it is not something to completely dismiss. What does it reveal? A desire to be with someone. And is this desire bad? No, in fact, it is by design! So, I can then channel the unrealistic fantasy into a more realistic one – by thanking my Creator for giving me these desires and searching His Word to discover what I am to do and be before Him. Perhaps, in fact, quite likely, He wants the situation to be reversed!! Although the concept of Mr. or Mrs. Right is, I do not think, realistic either.

The primary point I want to illustrate here is that dismissing dreams or fantasies without carefully investigating their source will only feed them more. Somewhere, a real desire is speaking and needs to be heard. When we give ourselves the ear we need, we may find that we are more fully human and accepting of ourselves. And in the process of discovering the real desire, we may be able to begin positive steps towards fulfilling it!

Now, on a practical note, this sucks! Why? Because I have gotten good at either denying or covering up my desires and by acknowledging and searching for the truth, I am opening myself up to being more real. And, because I am such a dreamer, I am finding just how much I dream and end up steering myself towards a deeper reality. I say “this sucks” because it is hard work.

Powell states that change begins when we discover ourselves to be a certain way (the “aha” moment of truth). Because at that moment, we either choose to remain that way (and that in itself is different than before) or we start to exchange our immature habits for more mature ones. And much of that is speaking truth to myself. Does not the truth set us free? And love rejoices in the truth!

Christianity

One of the hardest things we face as adults is to separate the implementation or belief in an idea by our parents (and thus, what we are taught as children) and what is really true about the idea. I struggled greatly several years ago with facing my dad's version of Christianity that I grew up with. I became quite sick of myself, sick of what it "required" me to say, do, and be. And so I decided that Christianity was incorrect and that I would not have a relationship with God, for I thought that God was like my dad. I rationalized this decision by emphasizing to myself that He was really an unknown, so how could we be sure of Him anyway?

The Father, in His mercy, had other plans for me, for I don't think He particularly cares for us to continue to walk with incorrect ideas and views of Him. It is one thing to reject God after seeing Who He is (simple rebellion), it is quite another to reject Him because one is misinformed of His character.

After reading The Curate's Awakening by MacDonald in July of last year, I began reading through the gospels with this question: Who is Christ and Who does He reveal the Father to be? Here is the quote from MacDonald that really ignited this in my heart:

"If by [the intellect] we could prove there is a God, it would be of small avail indeed. We must see Him and know Him. And I know of no other way of knowing that there is a God but that which reveals what He is -- and that way is Jesus Christ... Your business... is to acquaint yourself with the man Jesus: he will be to you the one to reveal the Father. Take your New Testament as if you had never seen it before, and read to find out." (The Curate's Awakening, Chapter 6)

What I have found in my reading is that the things about God that I hated are usually the things that He hates too! And the things about God that I longed for were the things that He is. Let me give you another MacDonald quote, my favorite of his:

"In my own childhood and boyhood my father was the refuge from all the ills of life, even sharp pain itself. Therefore, I say to the son or daughter who has no pleasure in the name Father, "You must interpret the word by all that you have missed in life. All that human tenderness can give or desire in the nearness and readiness of love, all and infinitely more must be true of the perfect Father -- of the maker of fatherhood." (The Heart of George MacDonald, as quoted in Wild at Heart)

What I want to emphasize this morning is that much of my struggle with God has been a marred painting of Who He is. It is as if my dad took a Rembrandt, threw paint and dirt all over it and then handed it to me and said, "This is a Rembrandt."

Much of this is captured in my testimony that is posted here (back on March 25th of this year). I emphasize this part because it is essential to take the things we believe and yet struggle greatly with, and look at them carefully, and ask ourselves -- is this true? Do I believe this because it is reality or because it is what I have been taught? And in relation to God, we find the painting of Him by looking at Christ.

"He who has seen me has seen the Father," Christ said in John 14:9. I begin today to share with you what I have learned about Christ by asking you to reflect on the following word that is so descriptive of Him: tender.

Emotions

I want to share something that has been a huge awakening in my life in the last few months. It is something that I have briefly touched on previously regarding emotions, and comes from a few books I have read, one referenced before by John Powell.

Emotions are neither good nor bad. They indicate the satisfaction of wants and needs.

Dwell on that statement for a minute. Let it sink in.

Emotions are similar to a stop light. The color of the stop light is neither good nor bad. The "legality" of your action is what you do in response to the stop light's color. Driving through a red light is not a good idea! The stop light is a sign that indicates the flow of traffic and what is needed in order to conform with the flow. You can chose to pay attention to the color, or ignore it, in which case you are a danger to other drivers, and can cause an accident.

My action based on my emotion is what is positive or negative.

I am reading a book called Becoming Real which is similar in concept to some of the ideas Eldrege shares in his Wild at Heart book. The idea is that we create stories that rationalize the events that happen in our childhood in order to make sense of those events without villainizing the perpetrators of those events because we need those people. What I mean is that a child will rarely have the mental competence to think, "The action my parent just took right now was a bad choice on the part of my parent." Usually, the child will think there is something wrong with him/herself.

How does this relate to me? My dad was very vocal in his anger growing up. I can say now as an adult that his anger was completely inappropriate and wrong. But as a child, I created a story or an idea that anger was wrong! I should not feel or be angry! This is completely unrealistic, and yet I have been operating from this belief or story for quite some time, much to my own frustration. So let's take the above concept and apply it to anger, a commonly misinterpreted "wrong" emotion.

Anger is neither good nor bad. It is an indicator that my wants and needs are either satisfied or not. What want or need is being frustrated or blocked? Am I afraid (many times anger's root is fear)? What am I afraid of? Why am I afraid? What need or want is my fear covering? In this example, my dad's anger (I think) was because of fear, and the fear underneath was due to an (irrational) want/need to predict and control the future. The control concept is one of my "learned behaviors" I have been and am working on "unlearning". But that is a post for another day.

What I want to emphasize here is that instead of dismissing an emotion as silly - "I should not feel this way" - I begin a process of investigating the source of the emotion and turn it into a positive expression for my life. This may be very obvious to you, but I missed this part of training as a child. :) Do they teach this in school?

One final thought. The Bible describes God has feeling a wide range of emotions. Anger is a common emotion that He feels ("the anger of the Lord"...). Jealousy, hatred, love, tenderness, and many others are all over His Word.

To sum up what I have been saying:

1. Accurately identify the emotion
2. Identify the want or need the emotion is "speaking" from.
3. Identify if the want or need is realistic and practical (if not, is there a want or need underneath this one? See my earlier post on The Inner Desire).
4. Determine positive action steps to meet the want or need in a way that does not infringe on others wants and needs (future post on this one!).
5. Wash, rinse, repeat.

The Ideal versus Practical Dilemma

I have a question to pose, that I will soon think through here, but I want to get the wheels turning for those of you out there who read these things. It is the following:

How does one harmonize the ideal (the desire) versus the practical (the reality)?

Huh?

Put another way, how do I make peace between the fantasies of my mind and the reality of life?

Transactional Analysis

I finished reading a book recently with a rather unusual title called, "Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?" by John Powell. This was the first book I read by this author and he has quickly moved into my favorite authors list. It is an incredible book filled with great insight. I want to share something that he discusses that is actually in reference to another book called Games People Play regarding transactional analysis.

Most (I say most instead of all) people have three "voices" inside of them (called "ego states"). These are: the Parent, the Child, and the Adult. These ego states are constantly speaking to one another and determining how one feels and what one does. The Parent is the voice of your parent(s) from childhood. The Child is the one in you that is your childhood, the one that is seeking direction, and isn't sure of what to do. The Adult is the grown up (one hopes) of the Child. So what's the big deal? It is this, and this is awesome to see:

When I make a decision, the voices of the Parent and Child can conflict. Let me give you an example. Let's say that I am uncomfortable going to an event I have been invited too. The Child is the one uncomfortable. He is at an uncertain and fearful place. The Parent voice might say, "Quit being a wimp and go. Stop being afraid. It is bad to be afraid." This is where the critical role of the Adult voice comes in. Does the Adult validate the feelings of the Child and step in to defend the Child, or does the Adult simply step aside and let the Adult voice berate the Child for his feelings? In essense, do I speak up in my own defense!?!

This does not mean that I go with the wishes of the Child. I may mean that I speak to the voice of the Parent, invalidate that voice, and then gently speak to the Child voice and reassure him that it will be ok. It is the recognition that I am my own person, my own Adult now, and I can now create a new Parent voice -- the Adult voice -- in my own life that determines my path and listens to my feelings (the Child) as he gives feedback to my wants and needs.

I have found this concept incredibly helpful in the road my road to healing. When I come across situations where I am feeling lost and sense the voice of the Parent stepping in and being critical, I stop and step in with my Adult voice to shut the Parent up, and give the Child the ear and tenderness that he needs.

I haven't done the best job describing this process, so it may seems like "I hear voices". In truth, we do! What matters is not IF we hear voices, but what we do in response to those voices. Will I listen to the "voice of truth", as sung by Casting Crowns, the voice of Christ, the voice of the Adult who has chosen to follow Christ, or will I listen to the voice of condemnation, the voice of perhaps the Parent, or of Satan?

What voice do you listen too?