Draw Back

From Thomas Wilder's "The Angel That Troubled the Waters"...

A physician suffering from melancholy comes to the pool (John 5:1-4) in this fictional story to be healed. The angel tells him to draw back, that the healing is not for him.

"Without your wounds where would your power be? It is your melancholy that makes your low voice tremble into the hearts of men and women. The very angels themselves cannot persuade the wretched and blundering children on earth as can one human being broken on the wheels of living. In Love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve. Physician, draw back."

It brings to mind another verse in the Bible... "For by His wounds, we are healed." (Is. 53:5)

Majesty

Majesty (Here I Am), by Delirious

Here I am humbled by your Majesty
Covered by your grace so free
Here I am, knowing I'm a sinful man
Covered by the blood of the Lamb

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Majesty, Majesty
Your grace has found me just as I am
Empty handed, but alive in your hands
Majesty, Majesty
Forever I am changed by your love
In the presence of your Majesty

Here I am humbled by the love that you give
Forgiven so that I can forgive
Here I stand, knowing that I'm your desire
Sanctified by glory and fire

Now I've found the greatest love of all is mine
Since you laid down your life
The greatest sacrifice

Oh the deep deep love of Jesus!

I awake this morning, albeit a bit early, to thoughts about the love of God. I have often passed over without a second thought the three words, "God loves me".

• The love of God is real.

About a month ago I started reading through the gospels with a focus on finding Who Christ is. I tend to be a schedule-driven person, but threw out my usual "read in a year" or a "chapter a day" focus. I am not even halfway through Matthew and the Person I am seeing is one Who is touching my heart in His actions, Who He is. I am stopped by such simple words as "and He was filled with compassion". Those words are always in reference to pain or need. What touches me is that they apply to my life and yours. Do I picture my own moments of pain as "filling Christ's heart with compassion for me"?

What if, and I am not trying to justify pain or its meaning, but what if our pain exists in part to open wide His heart, but more importantly, ours, to the wonder and reality of His love for us? I find myself so closed sometimes and those times of real honesty in a moment of pain cause the gates to open, the walls to fall down, and allows God to break through.

• The love of God is transforming.

It seems that people who are love one another change. There almost is a glow about them that radiates from the love they have for one another. Love that is right will find each person better as time goes on. That change is but a reflection of how God's love can change me and you. "We love because He first loved us." If I am to love people, it is through the love of God that I can do so.

• The love of God reflects Who He is.

I am convinced, and I will post more on this in the future, that things exist to reflect the character of God. Creation shows us the power, personality, and creativity of God. "In Him was life" -- can we deny this after looking at how alive creation is? There are so many things that one can stop and meditate on that could take forever because they reveal so much of Him.

I wanted to post a song that has been running through my head. It is an older hymn, but it has such meaning. It's picture is one I find appropriate -- that His love is like an ocean rolling, over, under. It is enveloping. It is all powerful. And it is sustaining (we all need water to live). Oh what wonderful words!

Oh the deep deep love of Jesus!
Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean
In its fulness over me.
Underneath me, all around me,
Is the current of thy love;
Leading onward, leading homeward,
To my glorious rest above.

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus!
Spread His praise from shore to shore,
How he loveth, ever loveth,
Changeth never, nevermore;
How He watcheth o’er His loved ones,
Died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth,
Watcheth o’er them from the throne.

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus!
Love of every love the best;
‘Tis an ocean vast of blessing,
‘Tis a haven sweet of rest.
Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus!
‘Tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory,
For it lifts me up to thee.

Biztalk 2006 Beta 1 Install

I have successfully installed the Beta 1 of Biztalk 2006 on the Beta 2 SQL 2005 April release. The install went smoothly; here are the steps I followed (all this was done in a VPC image):

1. Install Windows 2003 with SP1 (you can also install W2k3 and then run the SP1 patch on it).
2. Install all critical updates.
3. Added the Application Server role to the server (make sure to remove Frontpage 2002 extensions since WSS will not run with those installed)
4. Install SQL Server 2000 Client Tools only (this is per the install instructions, comments state it is a beta 1 issue only).
5. Fully installed of SQL 2005 April CTP.
6. Installed Office 2003 (Word, Excel, InfoPath -- added .NET programmability on all components and under Office Tools, .NET 2.0 support).
7. Update Office 2003 with latest updates at http://officeupdate.microsoft.com/
8. Installed Visual Studio .NET 2.0 Beta 2, uncheck SQL 2005 Express
9. Installed WSS with the SP1 found at http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=47398.
10. Installed SP2 of WSS that should be downloaded as well (from the beta place).
11. Downloaded the Biztalk CAB file for any requirements I may have missed (found at http://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=45440)
12. Install Biztalk following install instructions -- no errors.
13. Ran the configuration utility, set it to run on the Admin account (yeah, not smart) -- Sharepoint configuration error came up because .NET 2.0 was not installed on the default website.
14. Run aspnet_regiis -i from the command prompt in .NET 2.0.
15. Reran the configuration for just the Sharepoint part -- it worked.
16. I still need to configure BAM, but it appears it will be fine -- just need to put in the account in 3 places and it will be set up as well.

Very straight-forward install, just follow the instructions that accompany the document and it should go without a hitch.

Beauty

I enjoy various genres of movies and one such genre is the type that the movie Anne of Green Gables fits into. I am not interested here in trying to justify such a liking, but rather to meditate on one reason why I think perhaps I have an enjoyment of such movies.

Lewis suggests that the existence of longings or desires means there is something out there that will satisfy those desires. We were not made for sin, for the humanity in which we are bound. We were made for good, for beauty, for the perfection that existed before the fall. Pictures that give us little tastes of that perfection, be they movies, books, nature, or other forms, remind us that we are not of this place, that this world is not home. Gire calls those pictures “windows of the soul”. Lewis writes:

"We do not merely want to see beauty... We want something else which can hardly be put into words -- to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it. That is why we have peopled air and earth and water with gods and goddesses and nymphs and elves." (CS Lewis, Till We Have Faces)

Why like such things? Because it is the heart’s longing for home.

Diary of an Old Soul, July 27th

MacDonald writes in his July 27th entry of Diary of an Old Soul:

Oh, let me live in thy realities,
Nor substitute my notions for thy facts,
Notion with notion making leagues and pacts;
They are to truth but as dream-deeds to acts,
And questioned, make me doubt of everything.
"Oh Lord, my God," my heart gets up and cries,
"Come thy own self, and with thee my faith bring."

Rascal Flatts

Rascal Flatts sings in the chorus of one of my favorite country songs:

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

While the song is primarily about finding his true love, today somehow they spoke to me a different way. And I wasn't even listening to the song, though I am now. Read the lyrics to the chorus above.

Now put yourself in the place of singing this song to Christ. Could it be that our pain, sadness, broken hearts and dreams, have led us straight to Him? "God speaks to us in our pleasures but He shouts to us in our pain," Lewis writes in his book The Problem of Pain. Next time you hear the song, sing it to Him.

Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
(It shall be when these signs come to you, do for yourself what the occasion requires, for God is with you. (1 Samuel 10:9))

Chorus
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
(Yet it is I who taught Ephraim to walk, I took them in My arms; But they did not know that I healed them. (Hosea 11:3))
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
(The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise. (Psalm 51:17))
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
(For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. (Hebrews 4:15))
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true
(Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things which have not been done, Saying, ' My purpose will be established, And I will accomplish all My good pleasure'. (Isaiah 46:10))

Understanding/Acceptance

“You can love completely without complete understanding,” writes Ken Gire in one of my favorite books, Windows of the Soul. And thus he makes note of a great difference that I know in my own life I struggle with. It is the difference between acceptance and understanding.

Have you ever noticed that the older you get, the more you realize how much you don’t know? It happens over the natural course of our lives – as we grow as individuals, we begin to see just how large the body of knowledge is in the universe and can only start to comprehend just how little we actually do know.

In the same way, God is an infinite God, whose ways are higher than mine, and whose thoughts are way above my own. He is sovereign, that is, He does what He wants without a conference call, board meeting, or stockholder approval. In one sense I look at that and feel a small amount of unfairness, but I think a realization of God’s complete sovereignty over everything will breed a life of peace, hope, and comfort.

There are many actions that God takes that I will never understand completely. But God has not asked me to understand why He runs the universe the way He does. In fact, I think such knowledge of that ‘why’ is beyond our comprehension. For example, we all believe in grace. Yet I think very few people can claim to really understand it. That is because by definition grace is ‘unmerited/undeserved favor’. In its nature, it does not make sense. It defies the ordinary, confounds what is logical, and confuses the strict.

Why does God create people knowing they will stray from Him, in effect, ensuring the certainty of an eternity in hell? This may be a question to which the answer is not understandable in my present frame of mind. Only as I begin to understand how small and insignificant I am in comparison to God will I start to comprehend the question of His authority in my life, and in the lives of everyone else.

A teacher desires to teach his or her children knowledge of subjects: math, elements of science, reading, writing, and many other useful things we require as adults. Yet the question can be posed: why does a teacher impart knowledge to his or her students knowing that some may use that knowledge for evil?

Solomon in Proverbs writes that the beginning of wisdom is to acquire wisdom. It is in the realization of what I do not know that I can only begin to learn. I don’t think we should ever give up seeking knowledge and understanding. We are to get wisdom, and with our getting, get understanding.

I don’t what to confuse what understanding is. I think that understanding may be more of what God would do in a given situation. It may be less of why God does what He does as He runs the universe. As opportunities arise in my life, the growth in and knowledge of God will allow me to make the right decisions – to do what He wants from me because I will know His heart, His mind, and His will.

The question is commonly asked: how can a loving God send people to hell? Perhaps the real question is: how can a righteous, just, and holy God send anyone to heaven? As I ask my questions to gain a further understanding of who God is, do I keep the completeness of His person in focus? It is wonderful to know that God is love; it is a scary thing to know that God is righteous, holy, and just. “It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God” Scripture says (Heb 10:31), and how true it is. And yet it also says “Let us fall into the hand of the Lord for His mercies are great” in Second Samuel 24:14. On the one hand, God is just, and how scary it is to fall into the hands of a just God. On the other hand (as Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof would say), the hands of a merciful God is where I want to be.

Peace with God

Romans 5:1 tells me that "Therefore having been justified by faith we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." What a deep verse. Through the price that Christ paid on the Cross (the "satisfaction" or propitiation of my sin), I can be justified (receive the righteousness of Christ) by faith and have peace (YES, PEACE!) with God. C.S. Lewis writes that in his opinion faith is more of ensuring stability in your reasoning -- your emotions and mind will wander to and fro, but it is faith that provides the firm rock on which to remind oneself of what is true. Perhaps that is really what faith is -- how can I have peace with God, receive Christ's righteousness, and have my sin covered? It certainly looks terribly improbable, but praise be to God that it is true. "And we know that the Son of God has come, and has given us understanding, in order that we might know Him who is true, and we are in Him who is true, in His Son, Jesus Christ." (1 John 5:20)

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ." (Eph 1:3) It is truly a good day.

What IS Right?

At church on Sunday there was a comment made about how there might be much disagreement even in our small group about different issues, such as dancing, drinking, and the like. The issue specifically raised was one of dancing, with the individual commenting that dancing was an activity engaged in on a somewhat frequent basis. There was concern that some people might find that wrong.

It disturbs me that Christianity has received such a “bad rap” that one would be hesitant to be open about listening to what is true about such things. While the Bible does not address every single circumstance one might come across in life, it certainly provides a framework for determining what is right and wrong, good and bad, wise and stupid. I’d like to reflect for a moment on what part of that framework might be, in the absence of clear guidance.

For example, the Bible is clear that being drunk is not a wise choice, or better stated, wrong. But it is not specific on when to drink or how much (except to the amount of being drunk). So the following list that I posted here is for those things that aren't clear -- and I think the Bible is clear in many situations.

The pattern that I see in Scripture that assists us in making right choices seems to be based on SOME of the following criteria (by NO means comprehensive -- just some random thoughts):

- Does this action hurt or cause others to stumble?
- Does this action bring me under its power (am I addicted or “hooked”)? (or put another way, does it feed the flesh?)
- Does this action bring glory to God?

Paul mentions in Romans that if eating meat causes his brother to stumble, he will never eat meat again. I think in the presence of those whose convictions might be a little narrower, it is wise for an individual to temper his or her actions with what he or she knows those people are comfortable with. If I am with someone who considers eating or drinking a certain thing a ‘sin’ or wrong for them, then better for me to not do so than to cause them to stumble. (Romans 14)

Paul also mentions in Corinthians about “all things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.” God spent a great deal of effort and pain to set us free from sin – and anything that brings us into bondage to itself reduces the freedom that we have in Christ. Is what I am doing feeding that side that I have been set free from? For example, seeing an R-rated movie with a few steamy scenes might be ok for some, but how is it good for my mind – how can I think thoughts that are pure, honorable, right, and lovely (Phil 4:8) by seeing that?

And finally, Paul again writes that whatever we do, do for the glory of God. David danced before the Lord with all his might, because he loved God and was rejoicing in the return of the ark. What are my motivations for what I do – am I doing them for selfish reasons, or because I want to honor/glorify God?

So my response to the individual would be – it depends. If God came down and asked you to stop dancing, would you be willing to give it up? If you are with a group of people, one or more who think dancing is questionable, would you be willing to not dance that evening? And when you dance, are you doing so in a God-honoring (and respectful) manner? If so, then dance your heart out!

Forrest Gump

Last weekend some friends came over and we had our usual discussion on what movie to watch. One of the options was Forrest Gump. While this was not the final movie chosen, my mind has wandered back several times this week to that movie, one of my favorites.

I remember being told by my earthly dad that after seeing the movie, he went out and wept. I found that surprising, for he was rarely one to admit or show that particular emotion. I have thought a lot about what it was in that movie that made him weep and, while this isn’t the primary purpose of my post, I think the reason was because Gump just by being himself made such an impact. I think there is a desire there in his heart to do something “big” for God and I think it pained him to see a story about one who just by being a genuine person was so huge.

How sad that makes me, for I don’t think God is about being “big” or how much of an impact we have on this earth. For Him, I think it about cause, rather than effect. What are the motives of my heart? God would rather me reach out in His love to one person than preach a sermon of judgment where hundreds of consciences are pricked. The least in the kingdom will be the greatest, Christ taught. The small, insignificant things I do just might be mountains in God’s eyes. And those big things I am so proud of probably don’t mean much to Him. I am saddened because the very thing he yearns for he already has, he just can’t accept it.

For me, and I think for so many others, the main reason the movie made such a powerful impression and why we love it so much is because it is the picture of unconditional love. After seeing the movie, I too wept, but not because of the impact Forrest made. What I yearned for was that kind of love, the unconditional love and acceptance. And I find myself walking in the same shoes as my earthly father – yearning for something I already have. Because unconditional love is found in my Heavenly Father.

Perhaps one of the mistakes we make, I know I do, is to try to picture God’s love like the love I experience here on earth. That picture cannot be any further from the truth! How often I forget that God who cannot be measured, who made a universe that still is not measured, must also have a love that is not measurable. How often the scripture talks about God’s love and how many times I glance over it with a “that’s nice” thought.

Do I find myself refusing His love like Jenny: “You don’t want to marry me”, “You can’t keep trying to rescue me”? We watch in the movie as Jenny searches high and low for something, someone who will accept and love her and will make her happy, and it is right in front of her the entire time! How happy (and tearful) was I when finally she surrendered to his love:

Jenny: “Why are you so good to me?”
Forrest “You’re my girl.”
Jenny: “I’ll always be your girl.”

Why is God so good to me, so good to you? Because I’m His boy and you’re His boy or girl – and you’ll always be His. How difficult it is to surrender to unconditional love because it is so hard to unconditionally accept it. Just as Forrest loved Jenny because of who he was, so God loves you and I because of who He is.

I find in my own life that it is difficult to accept God’s unconditional love for me because I don’t love other people unconditionally. I judge God’s love in the light of my own – and how shallow I am! I think the real truth is – only as we surrender to God’s unconditional love are we ever able to start loving other people unconditionally. In first John, it is written that “We love because He first loved us.” I can respond in love to Him and others only because He made the first move, He first loved me and you.

Last night I was reading the daily Oswald Chambers “Utmost for His Highest” commentary for May 18th. He pointed out a fact that I know in my life I miss so much of the time.

He stated that so many times a person wants to grow in their Christian walk, that he or she wants to be a better person. I find so often that my focus becomes that – how can I grow in my walk with Christ; what can I do to improve myself? His comment was that our focus should not be growth – our focus should be Christ. Growth will occur as I get my eyes off myself, and fix them on Jesus (Hebrews 12:1).

I think this is one of the keys to the Christian walk – what better person to focus on than the Person who is the perfect standard? Rather than focusing on 'being better', why not focus the one Who already is? My walk then moves from the earthly things to the person of Christ. From the ‘what’ to the ‘Who’.

Peace

I wake up on this cool, overcast Sunday morning with my thoughts turning towards a fruit of the Spirit that I so rarely take hold of. It is the subject of peace that I want to focus on for my first entry here.

In Christ’s own words, He told His disciples and us: “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you.” In prior books of Scripture, it is stated that “Thou will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is staid on Thee.” Paul writes that “the peace of God…shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

What is peace? Certainly it would not be fair or true to call peace ‘the absence of trouble’, for Christians would be the laughingstock of the earth if that were a correct statement. Neither is this topic of peace referring to the lack of war, conflict, or strain between nations, tribes, or individual people.

Rather, I think that the peace that Christ and the writers of Scripture refer to is the calm, quiet assurance that my God is in complete control of the universe and my life. It seems to me that peace rests firmly in this truth – the sufficiency and sovereignty of Christ.

The writers of the New Testament have penned words such as “My God shall supply all your needs…”, “All things work together for the good of those who love God”, and “be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, let your request be made known to God.” Time and time again in the last couple of months, I have been reminded and humbled by His provision in my life.

And yet it seems there is a missing connection between my mind and heart. For my mind is well aware of the truth of Christ’s control of the universe, His ability to meet my needs, His love and care for me. But too often I find myself doubting or worrying about something so small, so insignificant, so ridiculous. J.I. Packard suggests in his book “Knowing God” that as we get to know God and how sovereign He is, our problems begin to fade in their importance.

My God created the universe – the galaxies, planets, stars. He created the world that I live in, setting the sun and moon into patterns that support life on the planet I live. The living conditions here are exactly perfect for my needs – the amount of oxygen in the air, atmospheric pressure, and too many others to list. And He knows when a sparrow falls to the ground – something so much smaller than me. I can and should rest in His sufficiency in my life. For peace lies, not in the absence of turmoil or the lack of trouble, but in knowing God, in following Him, and in fixing my eyes on Christ.

The peaceful place - and best place for that matter - at the present moment is right where God wants me to be.

Movie - Little Black Book

Despite what the critics say about this movie, Little Black Book is very good. You have a girl who spends a little too much time thinking about things and trying to make the perfect decision with no doubts. At the end of the movie, she realizes that she should just live and not think about it so much. There was a comment made in the movie by her where she said she spent a lifetime of planning preparing for a lifetime of living.

The movie has some good laughs, a great point, and is a enjoyable romantic comedy. A great date movie!

Movie Recommendation - Adaptation

This movie is greatness. I really enjoy deep movies -- ones that make you take a step back and really think. If you like the Eternal Sunshine, Vanilla Sky, or Lost in Translation type of movie, this one is for you.

I like searching for the point in movies and this one had quite a few. I think the following quote illustrates one of the points very well:

"There are too many ideas and too many people. And too many directions to go. I was starting to believe that the reason it matters to care passionately about something, is that is whittles the world down to a more manageable size."

Movie Recommendation - The Notebook

I watched The Notebook a few weeks ago and I highly recommend this movie. I think it is one of the best pictures of love I have ever seen -- I dare say it is better than Forrest Gump in that respect. You will walk out of this movie sad, but at the same time, very touched.

A quote that illustrates its beauty:

I am nothing special; of this I am sure. I am a common man with common thoughts, and I've led a common life. There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I've loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.