I have previously had an opinion that an ironclad commitment in marriage is unrealistic, because either party can change, and the change could be for the worse. The idea of staying married no matter what seemed a little extreme. What about abuse, affairs, or giving up? I have been told by a married friend of mine that it wouldn't matter. Really? I didn't believe him, mainly because I see my humanity and feel that at some point in a bad marriage, I'd be done. (Now, his belief is that it wouldn't stay bad if you keep trying.)
This weekend I did a ropes course and was very surprised by what I experienced in doing it. Before doing it, I wasn't sure I could do it. I didn't know about finishing. I set my goal to be at least make it through the first part of it. Here was the shock. When I set foot on the course, something clicked in my head and there was no going back. I was going to finish. There was no question about it. Something inside of me knew I could and would finish. There were a couple of things I have never tried in my life, that I've been deathly afraid of, and something inside of me did not allow any hesitation. It was a feeling that I had made a decision and I was going to follow through with it, no matter what fears or difficulty I faced. I was securely fastened and I would be fine.
How does this relate to marriage? I feel the idea of marriage is very intimidating... it is for life! But experiencing the ropes course over the weekend made me realize that when the decision is made, something inside of the brain changes and there is a commitment to the decision that could almost be described as irrational! Perhaps this is one of the part that love plays in a relationship--it causes us to do things that normally our brain would determine as irrational (not that I am suggesting to abandon yourself to emotions and ignore your mind; there is room for wisdom and making smart choices).
The presence of Christ in my life as my Lord is the truth of being securely fastened in the course--that even if I fall, He will catch me, pick me up, and set me back on the course. As I navigate through life, in the experiences of a relationship, work, marriage, friendships, or school, He is the harness around my waist, the rope that fastens to me, and the anchor that keeps me safe.
4 comments:
I think it is perfectly rational to abandon a relationship if bad sets in. Although some might see "sticking through" as the greatest idea ever, or the fact that loyalty is unappreciated, I can say that a bad relationship is not one that lifts each up. Also, to say that one will not leave but work on it is just subjecting oneself to possible emotional abuse.
It may have been thought at one time that staying in a relationship through thick and thin was good, but the moral zeitgeist continues to change as our generation comes to the realization that there are circumstances which are acceptable to leave relationships. It is not because we are not loyal, but we are symbiotic and we do not want to be a part of something that can endanger ourselves and others we care about.
As far as marriage is concerned, I would only follow that path if I knew that it was not something that was required by the other person. Then I would know the person was willing to spend the rest of their life with me regardless or not of marriage, and that would not be scary at all.
I believe that marriage is a reflection of Christ and His relationship with His church and thus don't agree with most of this comment, as it applies to marriage (limited to a relationship, there is more flexibility because no promises have been made). I will say that there are (very rare) times when divorce may be necessary, such as in Mom's case.
Emotional abuse can be worse if not as bad as physical abuse, and that often times occurs in many marriages that people try to "stick through" to work out only to end up stuck to a person that never respects them. A very dangerous game being played for the sake of religious commmitment only demonstrates why we are so critical of such.
Unfortunately, "emotional abuse" is too generic and can be used as an excuse. The foundation of love is respect and I completely agree that it is unhealthy to continue in a situation in which there is no respect. However, actions before marriage can demonstrate the personality of an individual and how they are with respect. It was very apparent to mom that dad did not respect her, but she married anyway. A Christian's promise is worthless if it is not entered into with the dedication that it will be kept, in and through the grace and power of Jesus Christ. And I believe that God has the power to change hearts and minds, if one is open to His power.
From a secular point of view, your comments make sense. But I come from a different foundation in my thinking.
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